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July 31, 2007
1254: Monkey Magic!
Thanks, Jon, for introducing me to this incredible cultural experience: Monkey Magic!
He fights!
He flies on a cloud!
He... has an awesome theme song!
Posted by ashley at 11:26 AM | TrackBack
1253: "Werner's first question was, 'Would you bite the head off a snake?'"
Some lovely person scanned an interview with Christian Bale about working with Werner Herzog on Rescue Dawn, filming 3:10 to Yuma, amputations, weight loss, torture, Batman, and his film choices. Interesting stuff.
"Christian Bale for President!" says Loren. I'd get behind that 100%.
Christian Bale interview, Total Film (via Bale_Daily)
Posted by ashley at 11:14 AM | TrackBack
July 30, 2007
1252: "That was a good one."
Uber-cutie Dita Von Teese interviewed on CNN.
<3
Posted by ashley at 02:45 PM | TrackBack
1251: To be honest...
Just when I want to declare LOLcats done and dusted, someone does this:
and I snort with delight.
Damn it!
Oh, and when I said that they'd be showing the Dark Knight teaser trailer before the Simpsons movie... I was wrong -- at least at the showing we saw on Saturday, there was nothing Bat-tacular happening. Disappointing! (As for the Simpsons movie itself, well, it was "as good as a pretty good episode," Pete said. Fair enough.)
How depressing.
Good thing I just got an email from Amazon telling me that my order for 300 blood-thirsty Spartans, a million-something Persians in costumes, a couple elephants, and some mutated thing with blades for hands would be coming my way very, very soon! It's raining... CGI blood!
I think my cape is at the drycleaners.
Posted by ashley at 10:16 AM | TrackBack
July 27, 2007
1250: Obsess, and ye shall receive!
Continuing to toy with my emotions, the makers of The Dark Knight have released new promo materials today. This includes a new website.
And this...
YES!
Posted by ashley at 03:54 PM | TrackBack
1249: Pre-order this, and then whale on your pecs.
Out on DVD July 31st!
Posted by ashley at 03:17 PM | TrackBack
1248: Thoughts?
Posted by ashley at 02:31 PM | TrackBack
July 26, 2007
1247: Question
Am I the only person who, when watching this, thinks...
"How can I get my lashes to look like that?"
Posted by ashley at 02:52 PM | TrackBack
1246: "I'm sorry to be the bearer of such frightening news"
Leave it to our favorite single-celled organism to provide this piece of informational insanity:
"did you happen to catch the blurb re. corey h. and his soon-to-be-published tell-all detailing an affair with (and i'm not kidding) Posh Spice?! (!!!???)"
"(!!!???)" is right!
You know, I'd heard this but chosen to believe it was untrue. I enabled my self to live in denial by not (yet... I'm sure I will eventually) reading her "autobiography"* in which she supposedly admits to dating Haim (and to his having wimped out on getting his nose pierced). But my eyes have been opened by an Amoeba, and he has shown me the truth -- as horrible as it may be.
But here's another truth...
UPGRADE!
You know, in having this terrible thing confirmed for me, I realized that I wasn't distressed to know it had happened at all but to know that she dated the lesser of two Coreys... at least in my opinion.
I mean, have you seen Feldman dance? Haim is so good natured, sure, but he seems perpetually bloated and who really needs bloat? Feldman, however, has managed to ward off the bloat, and I don't think he'd been to be asked twice to put on those dancin' shoes and ZIG-A-ZIG-AH!
* There had to be ghostwriters involved, no?
Posted by ashley at 02:25 PM | TrackBack
1245: Awesome.
Why have you not watched Rescue Dawn yet?
Posted by ashley at 11:59 AM | TrackBack
1244: 2 Coreys 4 ever!
I forgot to mention this piece of awesomeness...
Just to get you psyched up (those of you who need psyching up... Mr. Amoeba, I know that you do not), I thought I'd share this quote from Mr. Feldman, courtesy of TwoCoreys.com:
"I’m more than an actor. I’m an icon, an industry."
Don't be so modest, Corey! You're a national hero! I mean, check it out:
TwoCoreys.com also gives us these gems:
“The people that become the biggest jokes are people who do not change. They stay the way they were in the past. Look at Michael Jackson, he never evolved.”
and...
“You have to stay updated on trends, social things and pop culture, you need to stay with the times and keep evolving."
Hmm... Wait, then what's up with this, Corey?
Oh, nevermind. COREYS RULE!
Posted by ashley at 11:00 AM | TrackBack
1243: Mmmmm... make-up.
I saw this article in my "Dita Von Teese" Google alert today. For you Australians, does she really get as much press there as the internet would seem to indicate? I feel like I'm always getting stuff on her at Aussie fashion week and charity events, and wasn't she guest editor for Harpers Bazaar in Australia? Are you getting more of her love than we, in the States, are? That, in addition to having animals like this:
Not fair!
Anyway. I can't say I like the way they've done the girl's make-up in the photo for this article (I feel like her liner isn't far enough into her lash line and they ought to have put a little more definition with a darker shadow in her crease), but I'm happy if this is any indication that this is going to become an increasingly popular way to wear your make-up. It's fair to say that I'm also a little bit wary because -- aside from the lipstick, which I just don't do -- this has been my gimmick for... I don't know... when did I start wearing make-up? Middle school? I probably didn't figure out my eyeliner until high school, so that makes it... holy crap, almost 20 years!
OH GOD!
I'd cry but I don't want my make-up to run!
All eyes on the face
By Elizabeth Tilley (7/26/07, The Courier Mail)
POP princesses Gwen Stefani and Amy Winehouse wouldn't leave home without it.
For saucy-stripper-cum-style-queen Dita Von Teese it has become a trademark, and all the top designers are sending models down the runway wearing it.
I'm talking about dramatic make-up; that thick lashing of black liquid eyeliner and bold red pout that all the hip fashion icons are flaunting.
In what could be seen as a return to the screen sirens of the 1940s and '50s, heavily defined Cleopatra eyes and deep-coloured lips are making a comeback. Beauty experts are tipping it as the trend that will dominate the new fashion season.
But how many of us have the confidence to carry it off, or better yet know how to wear it correctly?
Make-up artist Kellie Lynes, owner of Instyle Beauty Bar at Clayfield, says anyone can wear dramatic make-up with the right tricks of the trade.
Lynes says to highlight one dominant feature: either smoky shadowed eyes and neutral lips; or lined eyes and vibrant lips.
"Be sure not to combine the two; the looks haven't swung that hard into the '80s yet," she says.
"Definitely do the liner with the red lips, but not the smoky eye with red lips. I find too many people, in their bid to look glamorous, go overboard, piling their faces with loads of make-up."
But Renee Ryan, international make-up artist for Cargo Cosmetics, says smoky bedroom eyes and deep red lips can be worn together this season. Ryan, who is visiting Australia to promote Cargo's new spring make-up range, says the fashionable smoky eye is not a really dark all-over eye look, but rather a smudged line around the eyes.
"What's popping up on the runway is the big, smoky eye with a deep lip," Ryan says.
"It no longer has to be one feature more dramatic than the other.
"Just make sure cheeks are soft in a peach or nude or light pink."
Bright eye colour is going to be huge in Spring, and Ryan recommends using coloured liquid eyeliners to create the same dramatic effect, but with a fun edge.
Lynes, whose business specialises in helping people create a new look, says she is constantly confronted with people wanting to replicate the latest red carpet or runway look.
Her latest most popular request is Nelly Furtado's look at the tribute concert for Princess Diana.
"She was sporting the latest hair and make-up: black thick liner with brighter hot pink lips to match her stunning strapless dress and her hair was perfectly groomed into a slick ponytail," Lynes says.
"I find most people can wear this look and with a few basic techniques we can show them how this look can be recreated to suit them."
The best thing about the new, exaggerated way to wear eyeliner is that it doesn't matter so much if you make a mistake.
Gone are the days of having to keep your hand ever so still in order to draw a painstakingly neat and thin line above your eyelashes.
"If you mess up, it's OK – just add another line," Ryan says. "The thicker the better."
Lynes suggests using kohl pencil or wetting a fine tip brush and dipping into a dark shadow if you're not confident with using liquid liner.
Her tip for lining eyes is to give the liner an exaggerated kick up at the outer corners of the eyes to create the illusion of fuller eyes.
"False lashes also look good with the heavy liner," she says.
Some of the best eyeliner brands include Max Factor, Revlon, MAC and Cargo Cosmetics for coloured liquid liners in shades of eggplant, electric blue and sapphire blue.
Posted by ashley at 08:55 AM | TrackBack
July 25, 2007
1242: And when I get that new bag...
This is what I'm going to put in it!
CUTEST BABY OTTER IN THE WORLD!
Edited to add: The link, she is fixed!
Posted by ashley at 12:18 PM | TrackBack
1241: Les yeux fantastiques!
I have a lot of loves in life -- bags, baby animals, abandoned insane asylums... you know, the usual. One of my biggest loves (after baby otters*) is make-up. I live for make-up.
I have recently been in the market for a new mascara.
I love high-end make-up but I don't love the price tag that comes with it. Where make-up is concerned, "you get what you pay for" to a degree. There's a functional aspect to make-up that shouldn't be entirely overlooked. Have you really saved any money when you apply make-up that doesn't apply properly, doesn't improve the appearance of your skin, or doesn't last (resulting in your having to re-apply and, therefore, use more)? I think, for instance, it's important to invest in a good foundation and concealer. You can cut corners with other items but you're not doing yourself any favors by applying a foundation that does not work. I'm not saying that everything ought to have a big price tag on it -- or hat the cost of some of the products is entirely justified, as I've yet to leave Sephora without feeling a little spent-too-much-nausea -- but that some things are worth spending a little extra. And some things aren't; the best eyeliner I've found, and which I use religiously, is made by Revlon. It costs about $7 and whenever I can find it in the drug store, I buy at least two. Because I look like Amy Winehouse. No. I don't. Because I know how hard it is to find a good eyeliner... and for the past few years, Revlon ColorStay eyeliner in black has been the wind beneath my wings... so to speak.
Anyone who wears make-up on a daily basis can understand the importance of finding a reliable brand, and the frustration (and expense!) of searching for the right products. Even test-driving drugstore make-up can get costly. I don't even want to think about the amount of money I've wasted trying to find the right mascara. While I love Tammy Faye big-time, I don't have any desire to duplicate her lashes -- a look that several of the mascaras I've recently tried have managed to give me.
Cute, but not for me.
On the other end of the spectrum, and in some ways worse (at least in my opinion) are the mascaras that seemingly do nothing. I've got one on right now and I'm completely miserable about it. It's Maybelline's Lash Discovery and it's poo. My lashes look better when they've been wet by a washcloth; this mascara is crap! Maybe it will work for girls who wear very little make-up, but I'm not one of those and whereas mascara usually completes the look, this mascara makes me look like I totally forgot to put any on. Boo!
With all this lash-crap on the mind lately, I've been paying a little more attention to ads for mascara. I saw this online today and was at least glad to know I'm not alone in my mascara frustration. The link (concerning the manner in which mascara ads feature false eyelashes) did provide a little relief in the form of another link -- this one to FabSugar's list of top drugstore mascaras. Hurray!
And I'm off to the drug store...
Posted by ashley at 11:27 AM | TrackBack
1240: Gimme.
As I've mentioned many times before... I love bags the way some women love shoes -- which is to say, obsessively.
Despite my happiness with my current bag...
I'm ready to move on. It's been like a year! And for someone who aches for new handbags the way I do, that's like forever!
But what do I want? What will fill the void that other women fill with food/shoes/whatever? Hmmm... What do my favorite ladies carry?
Cute, but not quite what I'm looking for. I'm thinking about this...
What do you think? Chris is anti- this bag. He says it's too big (although I'm purposefully looking for a larger bag, as my current one is often too small) and he doesn't like the pattern. I love the pattern, but Chris is concerned it looks "trendy" (who else would carry this bag but me and... Posh?) but I've been doing zebra for years now. Could I ever be mistaken for being trendy? Wouldn't that have to involve being, like, "with it"? People who are "with it" don't watch TV Land, and man, do I love watching TV Land. It's telling that all the ads on that channel are for diabetes treatment, mobility "scooters" and collectible coins. I suppose I ought to find some happiness in knowing that I am among the best-looking (and mobile) of TV Land's fanbase.
Posted by ashley at 09:36 AM | TrackBack
July 24, 2007
1239: I probably don't need to tell you that I want one of these...
Posted by ashley at 04:18 PM | TrackBack
1238: What chance does Gotham have when the good people do nothing?
After Rescue Dawn, I texted Chris to see if he and Loren had seen it yet. Although Loren shares my enthusiasm for Christian Bale, they had instead opted to see Sunshine, which they recommend. "It was sci-fi-rific!" Chris said. I informed him that RD was "Batman-rific." Well, it wasn't -- it was more, "escape-from-a-hellish-POW-camp-rific" but whatever. It comes down to this: I am a big Christian Bale fan... and I love Batman.
To be honest, I had been doing my best to avoid even thinking about The Dark Knight. Given how I've been barely able to stand waiting for 300 to come out on DVD, and that's only been 4-5 months, how the hell am I supposed to cope with waiting 1+ years for The Dark Knight to come into my life?! When that viral campaign ("I believe in Harvey Dent") came along... I tried to contain my excitement.
However well I managed to give the appearance of having my fanaticism in check, my Bat-brain was totally about to explode. Was I upset at Heath Ledger being cast as the Joker? No! I'm actually kind of excited about it, although I don't really know why. And then this cemented it...
HOLY FACIAL DEFORMITY, BATMAN! How hot is that? AHHH!!
I was asked the other day about how I felt about Maggie Gyllenhaal being cast as Rachel Dawes, replacing Katie Holmes. I'm totally relieved -- Katie Holmes was mind-blowingly bad in Batman Begins! I think Gyllenhaal will be just fine, if not great; as for what everyone seems to take as a dig at Holmes... whatever. I think she was responding more to the issue of replacing another actress as a recurring character in a movie franchise than commenting on Holmes' craptacular acting in the previous film, but I could be wrong. Either way, what's the big deal? Rachel Dawes isn't even a real Batman character. Why is no one concerned that, with all the female characters already existing in the Batman universe, it's a newly invented one who manages to show up in multiple films? But I digress...
Just mentioning Batman to my brother has opened the mental floodgates I'd been trying to hard to keep shut. I'm really losing it, folks. I woke up this morning and wondered if anyone made Batman-themed sheets for grown-up beds. Whatever good-girlfriend credit I've earned with Pete by watching sports (admittedly, not very patiently) would be completely destroyed. It's bad enough he has to hear me talking in a baby voice to my rabbit all the time. Imagine how sad he'll be when he's got to drink his coffee out of this..
Actually, that's kinda slick. Wait. No! I've got to keep my Bat-love under control -- I'VE GOT ANOTHER YEAR TO WAIT FOR THIS GODDAMNED MOVIE! And it's only going to get harder, people. Apparently, they'll be showing teasers for The Dark Knight before the Simpsons movie coming out this weekend, which Pete and I will obviously see ASAP. ("Mmmmm... teaser trailer.") I'm afraid my little head might burst!
And, no, this thing that's been going around teh internets isn't the teaser...
It's obviously fake, but I love that bit with the Joker. I love it, but I can't watch it again because it only reminds me how far away 7/18/08 is -- which is really, really, really far away.
More on the viral campaign for The Dark Knight.
Posted by ashley at 10:22 AM | TrackBack
July 23, 2007
1237: "I'm your true friend."
We saw Rescue Dawn over the weekend and loved it as much as, if not more than, we thought we would. I mean, it's Werner "I see only the overwhelming indifference of nature" Herzog, for crying out loud! What's not to like?
From Wikipedia: The film recounts the true story of German-born Dieter Dengler, who dreamed of being a pilot and eventually made his way to the United States, where he joined the Navy during the Vietnam War era. He became a pilot and was shot down over Laos and captured. Eventually he organized an escape with a small band of captives.
Pete and I like what he calls "survivalist" films, which could be anything from a POW escape movie like Rescue Dawn to... well, anything involving zombies. In that vein, we've been watching a lot of Man vs. Nature lately, and although the star, Bear Grylls, never takes on reanimated corpses, he does manage to survive some horrific circumstances -- rainforests, deserts, glaciers -- with mind-blowing skill and little else. Wikipedia sums it up nicely:
The series features Grylls purposefully demonstrating extreme methods of survival in harsh conditions. The program has shown him eating raw meat and live fish, staving off hypothermia after intentionally jumping in a frozen lake, and drinking the fluids of elephant feces and his own urine for hydration... Grylls contends that the [of two camera men] crew is "under very strict instructions not to get involved or help" unless he is in a fatal situation."
Being the Bear Grylls fans we are, it was hard for us to watch Rescue Dawn and not think a little about Man vs. Wild. The show has given us a slightly inflated sense of our own ability to survive in the wilderness with -- what? -- a flint... a knife... is that it? I think so. I still think we could survive a zombie attack with style but escaping a POW camp in the jungles of Laos... I don't know. What am I saying? We totally could. Pete and I are totally on the same wavelength; at one point, we turned to each other and agreed that we'd have wasted one of the other prisoners because he threatened our changes of escape. You don't want to mess with us.
Edited to add: Is Bear a faker? OMG! Say it ain't so! Wait... if he were a liar and not actually roughing it in the fashion he claims to, why would he do this....
If you're going to cut corners and not actually rough it, why not -- say -- skip drinking the elephant poop?
Posted by ashley at 10:43 AM | TrackBack
1236: "Much loved."
Posted by ashley at 09:14 AM | TrackBack
July 20, 2007
1235: I love my mom
I was working yesterday when my cellphone rang. It was Mom, and she was calling from an airport (long story) to say that she'd just befriended a nice boy from Newcastle. To avoid a crowd of noisy people as she was waiting for her delayed flight, she took a seat beside this "quiet" boy. Noticing that he was wearing a Morrissey shirt, she struck up a conversation with him about my love for the Mozfather.
The guy was charmed, no doubt, because my mom is totally charming -- and Southern. Living in New England has apparently never altered her Georgia-bred accent. I can't tell you the number of times people have stopped us to tell her how much they liked hearing her talk. "Oh, I love your accent! How long have you been here?" ("Here" being NYC/CT.) "Oh, about 30 years," Mom smiles.
It's true -- my parents have been living up here for that long, and yet it seems to have not affected her speech at all. Truthfully, I don't hear any accent either way, but that's probably the result of having grown up listening to her and as a result being completely accustomed to whatever accent she might have. The only indication that she speaks any differently is that people always mention it and, as a kid, I had some trouble in school with pronunciation exercises. Pete claims that I don't differentiate between "pin" and "pen," which I know are different words with different sounds, but inexplicably come out exactly the same when I say them.* People (particularly Pete) find this funny. Although I'm sure Mom, having so much obvious influence over the development of my speech, pronounces "pin" and "pen" just as I do, people are more charmed than amused by what comes out of her mouth. She commented to me that she liked the boy from Newcastle's accent; I'm sure he liked hers -- everyone always does, especially non-Americans.
In any event, they're now BFF. During the delay, they swapped life stories and discussed... me, at least in terms of my love of Morrissey.
Before she hung up, she said, "I just wanted to call and let you know that there are two of you walking this planet."
I love Mom.
* Chris tells me he gets the same "pen"/"pin" grief.
Posted by ashley at 10:16 AM | TrackBack
July 19, 2007
1234: CELEBRITY SIGHTING: ANGELA SIMMONS
Oh, I forgot to mention that before this happened...
I saw Rev. Run's daughter Angela crossing the street near my office.
Totally unrelated events, obviously, except that... well, they both happened yesterday.
Posted by ashley at 11:50 AM | TrackBack
July 18, 2007
1233: I needed that.
You know, I really almost never check my Gmail. This is because a) I hate the interface and b) I forget to, which leads to c) an overwhelming sense of dismay when I finally do check Gmail and see all the emails I've been ignoring.
Chris, who believes that my preferred email account rejects email from him (no, sorry, Chris -- it's me who rejects your mail), forced me to confront my Gmail-ignoring ways by sending something to that address. With a sigh, I opened my Gmail and was rewarded with this incredible thing:
I've had such a terrible day, people, but nothing cheers me up like a demonic bunny-man. Nothing.
Posted by ashley at 05:24 PM | TrackBack
1232: Innit?
I was having a terrible day, until this came into my life: Chav Scum.
Posted by ashley at 10:35 AM | TrackBack
July 17, 2007
1231: Makes my cold, little heart burst with happiness
Posted by ashley at 03:46 PM | TrackBack
1230: Pickle surprise
To cure me of my Morrissey-cancellation depression, The Incredible Amoeba sent me this to cheer me up. "Okay...maybe not cheer you up so much as terrify you out of your depression."
Consider me to be sufficiently terrified!
(BTW, is that Lady Bunny who says, "That's the surprise"?)
Posted by ashley at 11:31 AM | TrackBack
1229: She's touring the facility, and picking up slack.
More love for Vic.
Posted by ashley at 11:21 AM | TrackBack
1228: "Easy V doesn't come for free, she's a real lady!"
How excited was I about the NBC "Victoria Beckham: Coming to America" special last night? Quite! But it's fair to say that I was also a little bit worried. When what was originally conceived of as being a reality TV series was cut down to a 1-hour special, Courtney noted, "Posh got dissed." Totally. I was gutted, frankly, because I'd been looking forward to it so much. At the time, I wondered what the issue was and why NBC decided it didn't have a series on its hands, particularly when the Beckhams' arrival in the US was getting so much press -- and now I know.
The truth is that there simply wasn't much to work with and I blame NBC almost entirely for that. The special had all the trappings of network-created "reality TV." There was no faith that the content and subject were sufficiently entertaining, and blatantly staged events created the bulk of the show and really cut down on any momentum achieved by the unscripted and genuinely funny moments. Pete (forced against his will to watch the show, of course) said that the real problem is that there wasn't enough interaction with other family members and friends -- that most of the interactions were staged by producers who seemed to assume that this was how to best create humorous moments for the camera. The Beckhams (to their credit) don't allow their children to be unnecessarily photographed or taped, so even if the TV series had been given the green light, it's likely we never would have seen much of the kids -- and if there's anything that could humanize the Beckhams and endear them to American TV audiences, it would be seeing them interact with their much-loved boys. There was a lot more charm in hearing Victoria recount a conversation with one of her sons in which he said he wanted a girlfriend "who looked just like Mummy" than in the coached blow-up doll segment. Actually, that was cute, too. Am I biased? Maybe just a bit. But the truth is that in the right hands (MTV, perhaps?) the show could have been much better.
Prior to this, Pete had read a long article in Sports Illustrated about Beckham's career and I think it did more to sell him on the Beckhams than this TV special could have. I'd been so eager for this show to air because, in the way that you always want your friends to share your excitement for the things you love, I hoped it would bring my loved ones over to the Posh side. Did it? Probably not, but I was giddy to hear from Liz about how much she'd enjoyed it.
Like most people living in the public eye, Victoria Beckham has created a public persona or character -- uptight, frowning, plastic, cold -- and I believe most people mistake that character for the woman herself. As fan encounters often state, she might show up giggling and smiling, but once the cameras are on, she puts on that much-photographed pout. She's not quite the chilly b*tch she's assumed to be, and the Mugatu-like femmebot thing she's created seems to be something she's entirely aware of having constructed. She likes it but she also seems aware of its artificiality and absurdity. Why do people assume she's totally oblivious to the way she's perceived? She's got a sense of humor, and the Posh character is in some ways an extension of that...
(Not from the NBC special, BTW.)
I was aware that she'd be shown interacting with Perez Hilton, and truthfully, I wasn't terribly curious about it. You knew how it would go down, didn't you? Perez has confused himself with being a celebrity just because his blog has gotten him entree into celebrity-heavy events, but his blog has, frankly, never been particularly interesting. He just scribbles over paparazzi photos with inane, crude comments but has never provided any meaningful insights or criticisms of his celebrity subjects. I've honestly never understood the interest in it, particularly when he seems so blatantly swayed by celebrities who reach out to him. So when Posh shows up in a staged moment to confront him about the semi-cruel things she says about her, he clams up like a fat douche and loses all credibility as a sneering critic of pop culture. He's lame, but she's cute and takes it all on the chin.
Liz enjoyed one of my favorite moments in the show, of which I haven't been able to find a clip; Victoria accepts an invitation to luncheon with some eccentric Beverly Hills socialites in a Liberace-style maison-de-crap and smiles politely (although understandably horrified) as one of the ladies makes dolphin noises at her. There's a reason she got the nickname "Posh," you know -- she may have constructed an over-the-top public persona who answers the doors in heels and a swimsuit, but she's also a "real lay-dee." To Liz's pleasure, Vic gets trashed and comes home stumbling in her platform Louboutins but without messing up her hair or makeup. Victoria Beckham is my kind of lay-dee.
For the show, Victoria was given an "American assistant" to help her sort out an LA house and everything she'd need to help the family settle into their new life in the US. Apparently this involved helping Victoria cheat on her driver's exam, but the scripted silliness of this moment was improved by the exchanges between Vic and the exam proctor. When he mentions her Mercedes, Vic says she's got a Bentley. "Oh, I'll take the Mercedes then," he replies nonchalantly. She has her hair and makeup team prep her for the license photo and then requests (and is denied) approval of her photo. I love this woman. If I had her money, I might *be* this woman.
When the assistant joins Vic on a therapeutic shopping spree, she shoots down all the assistant's suggestions. It hit me then... I ought to be that assistant. As I explained to Liz and Shoshi, Victoria Beckham seemingly "has it all" -- but she doesn't yet own a Mini Me. Is there anything in life she'd love more than that?
I can see it now!
Everyone in LA, when you see two black-clad chicks with angular bobs and massive sunglasses teetering after too much champagne and not enough brunch... you know what's up.
As the lady herself would say, it'll be "MAJOR!"
Edited to add: Being a fan of wee people (sometimes known as "children") I'm sure Liz enjoyed the scene where Victoria gets baseball-throwing tips from some Little Leaguers. One kid asks why she talks funny, to which another kid replies, "She's from England." Pete and I both wished it had gone down like the only funny thing to ever come from Lil' Bush: "I like the way you talk. Where you from? Narnia?" Missed opportunity, kids!
Posted by ashley at 09:45 AM | TrackBack
July 11, 2007
1227: If you're going to San Francisco...
Pete and I are headed to California for a few days, which means I'll be away from my compy. You'd think that by now, what with my love of the internet being as intense as it is, that I'd have hooked up some sort of WiFi device to my skull, enabling me to become what God really intended me to become -- a walking, talking, blogging Terminator... who wears a lot of makeup.
But this isn't the case -- at least not yet -- so I'll be getting my email on my infuriating phone and unable to entertain you via the blog. For your entertainment needs, I suggest you see Courtney.
She sent me this awesomeness today:
A LETTER TO OPTIMUS PRIME FROM HIS GEICO AUTO INSURANCE AGENT
(McSweeney's)
On that note, what is this?
I know I've mentioned the fascination my brother and I share for Hugo Weaving. If I could, I'd pay him to articulate my sentiments for me while I glared at people and occasionally smirked; he'd be wearing the Agent Smith costume, naturally, and periodically he'd break into maniacal laughter. If I had voices in my head, I'd want them to sound like Hugo Weaving. Unfortunately, the voices in my head aren't so much voices as, say, this...
Whatever. I've gotten myself completely off-track. That "test" for Hugo Weaving's voice sounds nothing like the way they manipulated his voice for Transformers, in which he voiced Megatron. It's a line from one of the Lord of the Rings movies, but they managed to manipulate it in a way that makes Hugo Weaving sound like he'sthe Cybernetic Ghost of Christmas Past. "THOUSANDS OF YEARS AGO...!"
Oh, and if you haven't seen Transformers yet... what are you doing with your life?
Posted by ashley at 10:27 AM | TrackBack
July 10, 2007
1226: Got gel?
"Just keep clickin' "next" and be amazed," said Pete.
And I did.
And I was amazed.
Posted by ashley at 10:45 AM | TrackBack
July 09, 2007
1225: Greatest moment of my life.
If it weren't for the keen eyes of a certain -- how do you say? -- amobea incroyable, I might never have noticed that I am one of the Black Cougar's top MySpace friends.
I am truly honored.
And to show my appreciation, I have elevated him to my top friends -- and put him right beside L'Amoeba, where he belongs... fighting crime... saving children... or something like that.
Posted by ashley at 05:39 PM | TrackBack
1224: I may actually be losing my mind this time.
I hesitate to even mention this, which is really saying something because I normally take pleasure in detailing how wacky my dreams are -- but last night, I had three back-to-back dreams in which I was friends with Amy Winehouse.
The first involved a tense situation in which a third party said something mean to me about her. The second involved a purse snatching. The third involved my hair. I was semi-awake in between each one of these, I recall, which makes it even weirder.
OK. The third makes the most sense in that earlier in the evening I had a phone conversation with Mom in which she claimed to have had a dream about my hair (apparently, this runs in the family.) She dreamed it was longer and back to its natural brown; this was all unprompted, which was a little strange because I had -- literally-- just re-dyed my hair black a few hours earlier and gotten my hair cut short the day before. Does my hair look that bad this way?! It must, if other people have dreams about fixing it differently! Maybe my angst about this ate into my brain enough to pop out in a dream in which Amy Winehouse and a middle aged black woman restyled my hair. I have no idea what the final product was but I imagine it was disturbingly retro.
The second dream... I don't know. I think we were inexplicably having to walk through the Port Authority. You know, as you do. I hated this one, so I'll say no more.
The first... I really don't recall what was going on here, except that I called someone a "useless little creep." I'm sure it was deserved.
But how did this happen? I like Amy Winehouse as much as the next person, but I also have some anxiety about becoming her -- not so much in terms of the drinking, the poor decision making, or the concert-cancelling, but in terms of neither one of us seeming to handle humidity well. I'm always worried that the humidity is going to screw up my hair and makeup, resulting in...
Well, you know.
Jon claims that she stole my eyeliner gimmick, which I initially reacted to by thinking, "Hey... you're right!" And then it hit me -- OMG do people think I wear my makeup like that? Is that why my mother dreams of someone else doing it for me?! (Her hair dream also included a professional makeup makeover, so apparently I'm failing at that, too.) When I expressed my anxiety over all of this to Chris this morning, I mentioned that my eyeliner was a little screwed up this morning. "IT HAS BEGUN!" Chris said, of my Winehouse-ification.
Oh, God! Now I'm kind of glad that I sprayed my hair with anti-humidity stuff to the point of giving myself a wee hair helmet this morning.
When I'm all drunk and bee-hived... will you guys still be my friends?
Posted by ashley at 11:39 AM | TrackBack
1223: Michael Bay, hero.
I can't stop thinking about Transformers!
At first, I was a little bit nervous about how a live action (well, maybe not "live action" so much as "not a cartoon") Transformers movie would pan out -- especially when Optimus Prime bit it in the '86 movie! The Transformers -- Autobot and Decepticon, alike -- were near and dear to our hearts growing up. In fact, we still have several large boxes of Transformer crap at home that we refuse to let Mom throw away. Chris keeps telling her, "We can sell them on eBay." But, truthfully, we have no intention of selling that stuff. (Sorry, Mom!)
As much of a dork-face as reveals me to be, I've got to be honest with you: I got teary eyed when Optimus Prime first appeared on the screen.
I want to say more about it, but I know many of you haven't seen the movie yet. I will say this -- Shia Labeouf is a star, and Michael Bay is a hero.
I mean, seriously...
Michael Bay... national hero. He even likes Helmut Newton! The only thing he could do to make me like him more would be to give me a lifetime supply of cupcakes and snuggly baby bunny rabbits. Also, my own Megatron, which would transport me and the aforementioned cupcakes and bunnies wherever we needed to go. And maybe a replacement NES, when Mom finally makes good on her threats to throw that away as well.
The Last Action Director: Michael Bay (Details magazine)
Posted by ashley at 09:55 AM | TrackBack
July 06, 2007
1222: Autobots, roll out!
Is it wrong that I'd like my phone to make transforming noises whenever I receive a text?
Posted by ashley at 06:54 PM | TrackBack
July 05, 2007
1221: Shut it, Live Nation!
I see that I've got an email from Live Nation and I assume it's going to be something related to the Morrissey show at MSG -- maybe something about a date for it to be rescheduled? For those who didn't know, the show didn't happen. Morrissey is/was sick. So, you can imagine my irriation when I see that this is what the email contained...
(click to enlarge)
Take a survey? And tell you what? HOW IT DIDN'T HAPPEN?!?!
Damn you, Live Nation!
Posted by ashley at 02:21 PM | TrackBack
1220: Question
If a tingling of the ear means someone is talking about you, what does it mean when your knuckles itch?
Does it mean someone wants a punch?
Or does it just mean that my dust allergies are up to no good?
Maybe both?
Posted by ashley at 11:50 AM | TrackBack
1219: How I spent my 4th of July...
We started off the day with a totally civilized brunch and a leisurely stroll down to the Met, where we spent a few hours looking at the antiquities. Pure class.
To follow that up, we watched Live Free or Die Hard. Duh! Nothing says "God bless America!" like Bruce Willis nearly jackknifing a death-truck tractor trailer in an attempt to avoid a misdirected fighter jet from completely blasting him into oblivion. Well, maybe not "God bless America!" so much as "day off from work" or "I love it when things asplode." Not a thinker, folks, at least not in my free time. My mental hard drive needs a rest, and when I'm on autopilot, all I want is to see... well, this movie.
Also -- hey -- the bad guy was Seth Bullock. I mean Timothy Olyphant.
I like this guy -- not necessarily because we have the same birthday, but that helps. I like Olyphant because I think he's killed before. I mean, he looks a little nuts, right? Definitely more so in Deadwood, because something about that moustache enhances that look in his eyes that screams: "Who are you tryin' to get crazy with, ese? Don't you know I'm loco?"
Yup.
When we left, I was so pumped, we went to the gym and wailed on our pecs. Returning home, I texted Chris and heard that he was sitting down to watch Transformers -- or "The Transformers" as Pete has inexplicably gotten in the habit of calling it. No word yet on what Chris thought, but I was dismayed to hear that my beloved Decepticons were.. beige. What?! More on that later, I'm sure.
In the meantime, I've got this to bring me joy:
Posted by ashley at 10:56 AM | TrackBack
July 03, 2007
1218: Life in plastic.
I had today off from work but spent most of it in front of a computer anyway. I was trying to get other things done, and when Pete called to say he was heading home for the day, I decided to wrap things up. I was tidying up my work area and realized that it consisted of the following:
- my iBook
- my iPod
- my cellphone
- a purple plastic cup
- various Hello Kitty pens and pencils
- a hot pink notebook, containing a few pages of writing in pink ink
- a stuffed animal
I'm all growed up, folks.
Just be glad I'm not blogging on this thing:
Posted by ashley at 08:31 PM | TrackBack
July 02, 2007
1217: Haaaaaay!
Loads to talk about but only time enough to mention this:
It's Johnny Weir's birthday.