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June 29, 2007
1216: CAN YOU SEE THAT I AM SERIOUS?
I just got an email from someone claiming to work for Sparkle Clean.
CAN YOU DO ANY LESS?!
Posted by ashley at 11:31 AM | TrackBack
June 28, 2007
1215: Getting served.
Chris sent me this trailer for The New York Asian Film Festival:
Chris: did you watch it? ULTRA VIOLENCE!
Ashley: isn't that with what'sherface?
Ashley: from zoolander?
Chris: i know you're thinking of ultraviolet, and you should be ashamed.
Chris: let me add a penny to my paypal account, so i can send you A CLUE
Chris: well, a penny so you can buy one.
Chris: SNAP
Chris: (poorly-executed)
Ashley: but is your account verified?
Ashley: or do you need to add an account from the bank of SASS!
Chris: oh SNAP
Ashley: ha ha ha
Chris: i am a charter member of the bank of SASS
Ashley: the bank of SASS just got acquired by CitiSNAP
Chris: ha ha ha ha
Ashley: besides, clues don't cost a penny any more, grandpa
Ashley: not with inflation
Ashley: they now cost two TALK TO THE HAND(s)
Chris: you better take what you can get
Ashley: oh snap
Chris: because that musty snow-globe you call a brain is CRACKED
Ashley: you're the insult master!
Chris: bam!
Ashley: SERVED
Posted by ashley at 05:08 PM | TrackBack
1214: Who didn't hear about this and immediately think of me?
Spice girls back together (The Superficial)
Frankly, I have never supported Posh's musical aspirations. Not one bit. But I do support her in every other of her life's goals, as if I were A FIERCE BUSTIER FROM THE FUTURE!
Posted by ashley at 02:30 PM | TrackBack
1213: "Sounds to really make you rub and scrub."
I knew it was going to be a poopy day when I woke up and immediately thought, "Oh, at least it's Friday!" It's not. It's Thursday.
My iPod thought I could use some cheering up. It decided to play the following...
Edited to add: What ever happened to Musical Youth? Wikipedia says...
Although schoolboys, the group managed to secure gigs at certain Birmingham pubs and released a single, "Political" / "Generals", on local label 021 Records. An appearance on BBC disc jockey John Peel's evening show brought further attention to the group, and they were signed to MCA Records.
By that time, founding father Frederick Waite had backed down, to be replaced by Dennis Seaton as lead singer. During the winter of 1982, the group issued one of the fastest-selling singles of the year in "Pass the Dutchie". Based on the Mighty Diamonds "Pass The Kouchie" (a song about cannabis), the title had been subtly altered to feature the patois "dutchie" ,referring to a type of pot used for cooking. This idea is reinforced throughout the political and economic overtones throughout the song about extreme poverty and Musical Youth asking the question "How does it feel when ya got no food?"}. The infectious enthusiasm of the group's performance captured the public's imagination, and duly propelled the record to Number 1 in the UK singles chart. It went on to sell over four million copies, and was nominated for a Grammy Award. A US Top 10 placing also followed. The video made them one of the first black artists to be played on MTV.
The catchy follow-up, "Youth Of Today", reached the UK Top 20, and early in 1983, "Never Gonna Give You Up", climbed to UK Number 6. Minor successes with "Heartbreaker" and "Tell Me Why", were succeeded by a surprise collaboration with Donna Summer on the UK Top 20 hit "Unconditional Love".
A revival of Desmond Dekker's "007" saw them back in the Top 30, but after one final hit with "Sixteen", they fell from commercial grace, and subsequently split up in 1985 when Seaton left the band.
Plans to re-form were initially scotched when Patrick Waite, who had gone on to a career of juvenile crime, died of natural causes (hereditary heart condition) whilst awaiting a court appearance on drug charges. The Grant brothers remained involved in music, while Dennis Seaton released a solo set in 1989, before going on to form his own band, XMY.
In 2001, Musical Youth reformed. They were set to perform at the English ‘Here & Now’ tour, which features performances by many great artists from the 80’s. Due to the 9/11 attacks, the tour was cancelled.
However, by 2003 Musical Youth were back, appearing in a 1980s nostalgia tour. By 2005, now reduced to just a duo of Michael Grant and Dennis Seaton, Musical Youth performed at Wiesen festival in Austria.
Posted by ashley at 10:26 AM | TrackBack
June 27, 2007
1212: Is that a crime?
I love Gothamist's newsmap.
(click to enlarge)
I imagine it was something like this:
Or this:
Or, better yet, this:
I know I'm just going to be disappointed when there's no massive serpent slithering around the upper portion of the city -- hissing at pedestrians, biting buses, knocking over ice cream trucks. And then I'm going to be really, really angry because there's no goddamned power.
Edited to add: OMG! Maybe the snake knocked out the power!
Chris: he's the duke of new york, A #1
Ashley: you and your garden snake
Ashley: oh, nothing, it's cute
Posted by ashley at 05:17 PM | TrackBack
1211: Yeah. It's like that.
Posted by ashley at 03:34 PM | TrackBack
June 26, 2007
1210: 10 Best Star Wars Sounds
I just wish they'd kept this exclusive to 4, 5, and 6.
Posted by ashley at 12:09 PM | TrackBack
1209: Ant Muzak
Some of you were curious about the clip in the previous entry. It's a short, 10-minute film called Ant Muzak.
That was Mackenzie Crook -- of The Office fame -- as Gary Tibbs, by the way.* Looking at IMDb, I'm kind of surprised that people didn't seem to recognize the other band shopping in the store -- it's Sigue Sigue Sputnik!
On Sunday night, Pete and I went to get some ice cream. I managed, as usual, to turn the conversation to my favorite subject... the Eighties. (Serial killers are a close 2nd.) We were discussing Bow Wow Wow, which naturally led to my favorite sub-category within my favorite subject: Adam Ant. Duh! Pete asked what he (Ant, not himself) was up to these days -- the book, tooling around in the studio, etc. Speaking of the book, I've yet to be able to find it in any stores around here -- is it not being sold in the US?
In scouting around online, I came across these screencaps someone had lovingly made of the TV special "The Madness of Prince Charming." From Adam's sketch book...
How great is that? I love it almost as much as I love this...
* And Gary Tibbs as the security guard! "How'd they get Nick Moran to do that?!" Jon asked, like anyone wouldn't want to play Adam Ant. I'll do it. Let me get my boots.
Posted by ashley at 10:28 AM | TrackBack
June 25, 2007
1208: "Mister Goddard, is it?"
I hate, hate, hate going to the grocery store.
If left to my own devices, I would live off cold cereal for the rest of my life. Honestly. It's not that I'm some kind of "picky eater" or something. It's just that I'm the kind of apathetic eater who considers Saltines a perfectly acceptable meal. I used to live on Diet Coke and candy -- a diet I inexplicably managed to force on some of you during college, and for that, I apologize. Did you ever have lunch with me and not need to lay down on account of a stomach ache afterwards? No? I'm sorry.
I haven't had a drop of Diet Coke since 2005, which is -- if I may -- quite an accomplishment considering I was up to eight 20 ounce bottles a day (!) before quitting. I gave it up as a New Year's resolution, and to make the transition a little bit easier to handle, I bought myself a pair of shoes I have worn approximately twice since -- but that's another story entirely. Let's just say that I am not cut out to be your dietitian nor your footwear advisor. I buy food only because I find the sensation of being faint from hunger really annoying and I buy shoes because I think they'd look cute in a fashion spread, but not so much in situations where you have to walk more than three feet. But if you stick to my diet, you're not going to be doing that much walking anyway. You'll either be laying slumped on the floor in a state of stomach-cramping nausea after coming down from that sugar high or you'll be too frail to be mobile. That's why you need the Diet Coke, y'all. You're gonna need that energy!
I'm not picky about food -- I'm just disinterested. If I didn't ever get hungry, I might just not feed myself. (Is that weird?) I just can't get excited about food; the only exceptions to this being black bean tacos, about which I am unnaturally concerned, and candy, which I love more than life itself. A sub-par, pseudo Tex-Mex dish is the worst and if you don't dig on meat, burnt, oversized slabs of veggies shoved in a tortilla does not a vegetarian meal make, amigos. If I'm picky about any kind of food, it's that. Opening a menu to find that there's only one or two pitiful non-meat options is a disappointment -- particularly if one or both are fishy. Fish swim in fish waste. Do I have a little Howard Hughes problem? Maybe. Whatever. Don't take this as an open invitation to be like, "Yeah but (insert type of food I prefer) is totally nasty..." and proceed to tell me about all the ways in which my food is infected with germs and death and blah blah blah.
My disinterest in eating, naturally, carries into the experience of food-shopping. For some people, shopping for food is a real passion -- not me. If I didn't have a boyfriend and a rabbit to shop for, my cart would only contain milk, cereal, and sweets. That's it. Actually, there might be some cheese in there every now and then. But when it comes down to it -- I'm not big on going to the grocery store.
This issue is further complicated by the fact that we live in NYC, where we don't own a car, and are the kind of people who will carry things rather than having them delivered. I can't tell you the number of times total strangers have commented on the size of the load (generally a combination of laundry and groceries) I'm carrying versus the size of... me. But that's how we roll and it's a point of pride to see the look of surprise in the faces of other, weaker couples when we come stomping by like champs. I fight the urge to scream, "I may curl my lashes, but I'm more of a man than your boyfriend is!"
As much as I can haul, I'm still built like Ed Grimley and without Pete's help, sometimes I have to take multiple trips back and forth between our apartment and the grocery store. It's a blessing when Pete's able to help me out, and sometimes I totally delay heading to the store in the hope that Pete will be home shortly to help with the grocery-carrying. It's the only thing that makes going to the grocery store bearable for me, actually, because I like his company and he makes the whole thing less stressful. I know it's not Pete's favorite thing to do on a weekend, especially after he's had to put in some time at the office, so I have a suggestion...
I shall do my grocery shopping with some Antz:
Posted by ashley at 05:52 PM | TrackBack
1207: You Only Live Twice turns 40
From Cinema Retro.
Posted by ashley at 02:30 PM | TrackBack
1206: Like a Black Cougar in the Dark!
I'm glad I'm not the only person who can't stop thinking about the Black Cougar, or pitting him against other superheros (some with slightly more respected pedigrees), wild animals, household items, and D-list actors. Dr. Amoeba joins me in my obsession.
I hate to canibalize emails and IM conversations the way I do, but whatever. I'm not funny very often, so cut me some slack. L'Amoeba and I were pondering whether or not the Black Cougar, in all his infinite awesomeness, would survive a deathmatch with any (or all!) of the following. Here are my best guesses on who wins and who loses (and who CRIES OUT FOR MAGIC!) in The Amoeba's suggested pairings...
BC vs. Hulk Hogan:
It will make me weep a little bit, but I think Hulkamania will be hindered by aching joints. I see the Black Cougar exploiting that without an ounce of sympathy.
BC vs. Stimpy:
Black Cougar all the way. Stimpy is so easily distracted!
BC vs. Bob Barker:
Barker will totally neuter that kitty!
BC vs. Dio:
I think Silvio will call off the Black Cougar out of respect for his metal elder.
BC vs. can opener:
I say the can opener wins because there's no way the Black Cougar can manipulate household appliances in those velvety gloves.
Of course, who we'd really like to see go toe-to-toe with our hero is Billy Zane:
God! What a tool!
He's so lame that the only thing which can redeem this blog entry is...
Posted by ashley at 12:09 PM | TrackBack
June 22, 2007
1205: American Movie
This whole business about Black Cougar (which I honestly cannot stop thinking about) reminds me, naturally, of American Movie.
Wikipedia sums it up nicely:
American Movie is a documentary about the making of an independent film. Milwaukee filmmaker Mark Borchardt feverishly works to finish his independent horror film Coven, only to slip into a downward spiral of poor financing and lack of interest by his friends. American Movie was produced by Sarah Price and directed by Chris Smith.
Part of the film's theme is that while Mark seems so obsessed with making "the great American movie," he is himself chasing the American dream.
The film is given the subtitle "The Making of Northwestern" (in fact it even appears in the film itself), yet only the first fifteen minutes of the film is about the making of Northwestern and the rest of the film centers on the making of Coven.
The film was awarded the Grand Jury Prize at the 1999 Sundance Film Festival.
It's kind of like...
and some...
and a dash of...
wrapped up in the American dream!
Posted by ashley at 12:58 PM | TrackBack
June 21, 2007
1204: "Because I do sound crazy."
I don't know how one can "invent" a superhero -- or why such an "invention" would be included on a show about inventors, in which all the other inventions are like, automatic toilet flushers and robots that mow your lawn. But that's not the point. The point is this... Silvio DiSalvatore is probably the greatest human being to ever live.
And here's the proof:
American Heroes: Black Cougar Will Save Us All (Gawker)
For more in Black Cougar, here's Silvio's site -- complete with a photo gallery full of behind-the-scenes photos of Silvio being a complete legend.
I only wish they had a few portraits, because he's got the hair of a Scorpion.
Like he's touring Japan with an aging hair metal band and while he wanted to update his look, he didn't want to take away from the ROCK.
Edited to add: Jon just found this on the YouTubes...
Brilliant!
Posted by ashley at 03:26 PM | TrackBack
June 20, 2007
1203: "Why you been acting so messed up towards me?"
Thank you, He-Amoeba! I friggin' worship you, man. You and Evil-Lyn.
Posted by ashley at 07:27 PM | TrackBack
June 19, 2007
1202: Sorry to disappoint.
The cuts on my knuckles aren't from any underground fighting organization in which I've secretly been participating on weekends.
They're from my job. Advertising is such a nasty business.
Just kidding.
I scraped my hand moving stuff around my parents' house last weekend. They've had a lot of work done, a lot of rooms re-painted, and consequently, they'd moved furniture and such.
Sorry to disappoint you. I would be in a fight club, wouldn't I? Living in this city seems to agitate the little crazy particles in my brain, and maybe joining a fight club would help release some of that tension.
Joining the gym didn't. Now I just want to grab the ankles of anyone who stays past the allotted 30 minutes on the treadmill. When his heavy mass comes slamming down onto the still-moving rubber (after his piggy face has been whacked against the control panel), I'll leap into the air and onto the treadmill, just barely missing his body as it's rocketed off the machine and onto that nasty gym floor. So, maybe a fight club is really what I need -- because the next time someone fails to wipe their bacteria-infested sweat off the machine... they're gonna get SERVED. (Did I mention that NYC has only increased my germ concerns? It has.)
Posted by ashley at 11:31 AM | TrackBack
1201: LOLTATER
Speaking of tater tots...
From I Can Has Cheezburger?, naturally.
Posted by ashley at 10:43 AM | TrackBack
1200: Les vêtements
Daytime look, courtesy of Lindsey and T-Shirt Hell. (Thank you!) "Not to imply that I think you are capable of such things, just that its got the cutest ever little animals with a nice touch of death and destruction!! Oh, and it's black!!" C'est parfait!
Nighttime look, courtesy of... "a pink and black tubeworm," says Chris. Non! It's fabulous. Soccer game, at night, being played indoors... yeah, that's how I'd play it. Good work, Vic.
And, yes, I do intend to buy some of her new jeans -- sight unseen! I've yet to see a decent photograph of what they actually look like, but I'm sold. The pockets could be full of tater tots for all I care. Actually, I kind of wish they were. Mmmm... delicious tater tots.
Did I go to the NYC launch of these jeans? No, I was bizzay, but I was there in spirit. Shoshi wasn't convinced. "Admit it...this was you," she emailed, concerning the following:
"She's been my idol for 10 years and everything about her is just
fantastic," said a student who waited in line for six hours. "I'm sure
there will be more people coming."
Nope, not me. In fact, hearing this fan quoted everywhere about the launch makes my eyes narrow into wee, beady things. She thinks she loves the Posh? Pfft! I challenge her to a walk off!
Posted by ashley at 09:17 AM | TrackBack
June 18, 2007
1199: "Father of the Year"
Or, at least according to Defamer.
Bwhahaha!
Posted by ashley at 04:57 PM | TrackBack
June 15, 2007
1198: I think I've found my new career...
From Defamer:
"Goth Chicks Ranking An LA 8 Or Higher Encouraged To Sign Up For Elvira Reality Show"
Elvira, Mistress of the Dark, is searching for an evil handmaiden to assist with her Halloween hosting duties on the Fox Reality Original "The Search for the Next Elvira," which debuts on Fox Reality, the only all-reality, all-the-time cable and satellite network, on Saturday, October 13 at 9:00 PM PT / 12:00 AM ET.
Awesome! And here's Cassandra Peterson making the transformation into Elvira...
<3 Elvira
Posted by ashley at 11:35 AM | TrackBack
June 14, 2007
1197: Kitty Cam
Chris: did i show you the kitty cam?
Chris: or did you read about it?
Ashley: no and no
Ashley: show me
Ashley: right now
Chris: http://www.boingboing.net/2007/06/06/cat_has_camera_on_co.html
Chris: it's awesome
Ashley: awwwwww
Ashley: i like the other cats checking the kitty cam out
Chris: me too
Ashley: secret cat meetings
Chris: i like the strange places it goes
Chris: possibly to other dimensions
Ashley: ha ha ha
Ashley: i wish there were indications that the cat had been involved in a murder
Chris: ha ha
Ashley: why is it always "waiting for better times"?
Ashley: i can't begin to imagine what that means in German
Ashley: "waiting idly for one's profound, crippling sense of despair to pass"
Ashley: or "sitting under a car"
Chris: ha, yes, i like the "better times" description
Chris: the cat knows all of history before it happens, and is waiting for a new industrial age to emerge.
Chris: inexplicably
Ashley: ha ha haha
Ashley: i snorted so hard
Ashley: herr pussycat is wise
Chris: ha ha
Chris: i like how the first one ends. i am sure that cat has somehow found its way to another plane of existence, where glowing wires are the dominant form of matter.
Ashley: ha ha ha
Ashley: the cat shot an enemy plane down
Posted by ashley at 05:58 PM | TrackBack
1196: "The yogurt is the bass, the granola is the treble."
The only good thing about yesterday was Jon's off-the-cuff revision of Warren G's "Regulate," in which he changed all the lyrics to a discussion of delicious food items.
I guess it was the mental image of really fat gang members scrambling over muffins that I enjoyed most of all. That and Warren G in a fat suit, waddling out of a Waffle House and trying to stuff himself into the door of a low rider.
This reminded me of the time I picked up a copy of Kerrang! in London and snorted with delight over a reader's submission of alternative lyrics for Papa Roach's (horrible) "Last Resort." I've since seen similar efforts, but have yet to see that specific version duplicated. Here's a notable effort:
Cut my cake into slices
This is my raspberry torte
No culination, no freezing
Don't give a f*ck if potato needs peeling
This is my raspberry torte
Cut my cake into pieces
This is my raspberry torte
No culination, no freezing
Don't give a f*ck if potato needs peeling
I'm just lazy - seek alternative mealing
Ready-cooked meals they're alright
If I ate McD's tonight
You never know that they might
Spit in burgers out of spite
And I contemplate Kentucky Fried...
'Cause I', eating some sh*te, found a pork rind,
Want BK double and a portion of fries
Eating some sh*te, found a pork rind
Want BK double and a portion of fries
I didn't realise I was getting too thin
No food on my plate, stomach empty within
Hungry, feeding on dry bread and eating from tins
Just add water, where do I begin
It all started when I lost my mother
Don't cook for myself, never cooked for another
Scavenge, to find a snack at pavement level
Finding nothing but Smarties and Revels
Eat pate on toast, don't expensively dine
Avoid cocky waiters and the overpriced wine
Pate on toast, don't expensively dine
Avoid cocky waiters and the overpriced wine
Pot Noodle's alright, leftovers fine
I'm nuking, not trying
I'm dining
I'm dining
I'm dining
I'm dining
I...Can't...Go...On...ea...ting...this...way
Slice my cake into pieces
I'll eat my raspberry torte
No culination, no freezing
Don't give a f*ck if potato needs peeling
Ready-cooked meals they're alright
If I ate McD's tonight
You never know that they might
Spit in burgers out of spite
And I contemplate Kentucky Fried...
'Cause I', eating some sh*te, found a pork rind,
Want BK double and a portion of fries
Pate on toast, don't expensively dine
Avoid cocky waiters and the overpriced wine
Pot Noodle's alright, leftovers fine
I'm nuking, not trying
I...CAN'T...GO...ON...EA...TING...THIS...WAY!
Can't go on
Eating this way
Noodles ain't
Right!
Posted by ashley at 09:15 AM | TrackBack
June 13, 2007
1195: Control
An incredible amoeba I know just sent me this:
And my brain exploded.
I'm excited, but will my excitement jinx this?
Posted by ashley at 02:25 PM | TrackBack
June 12, 2007
1194: Greatest Thing Ever
If there's anything in the world that makes life worth living... it's tiny Japanese girls dressed up like pirates and screaming at Johnny Depp.
Part 1:
Part 2:
This awesomeness was brought to you by Japan Probe.
Posted by ashley at 03:40 PM | TrackBack
1193: Les updates.
While my MySpace profile has been semi-updated, I'm fully aware that I haven't updated the links and such for this blog in three million years. I'm sorry. I'll get around to that in a little while, I promise.
In the meantime...
Question: How cute is Alison Goldfrapp?
Answer: So cute!
Posted by ashley at 11:15 AM | TrackBack
1192: Cute. Cute. Cute.
There was a lil' posh-ness on Gothamist today.
Which is nice.
I don't know what she's wearing on her feet but I'd have played more like this...
Naturally!
"is it halloween? who let the skeleton on the field?" said one commenter. Ugh! Whatever. Do people not realize how comments like that make them seem? It sounds petty, insecure and -- maybe more than anything else -- obvious. It's like people who think that ripping on Paris Hilton (not that Paris is anything like my beloved Vic!) is in some way still funny or interesting. It's not. It's dumb. And it's completely lame.
Posted by ashley at 09:46 AM | TrackBack
June 11, 2007
1191: Not in a good mood.
Edited to add: But this helped...
Posted by ashley at 09:25 AM | TrackBack
June 08, 2007
1190: Lies! (Part 2)
After receiving my baffling results from My Heritage, I decided to give it another shot -- this time, with a different face. What better way to test My Heritage than to up the ante with my little sidekick's visage?
It wasn't easy getting a photo of this guy that didn't make him look slightly crazier than his owner did in hers. He isn't a ruby-eyed rabbit at all; there's probably some filter I ought to be using to counter that, but he only gets those freaky-deaky eyes when he's photography. And he's not always a willing subject...
By the time you have yourself in position to photograph him, he's already lunged at the camera or fled the scene entirely. (And, by the way, that brown spot on the back of his neck is normal for his breed.) After a few attempts, this was the best I could come up with:
I fired up My Heritage and uploaded Dewey's glamour shot. And the results were...
Nothing! My Heritage couldn't find a single suggested match -- which is understandable, I suppose, because Dewey is a rabbit. Frankly, I'm kind of disappointed. I was looking forward to finding out that My Heritage thinks Dewey looks like Lou Diamond Phillips. Or something.
If I had to guess, I'd say Dewey was some combination of the following...
Naturally.
OK, so My Heritage is smart enough to tell a bunny from a human. But can it recognize the face of a celebrity most likely already in its database of faces? Let's see...
Yes! Kinda! Lindsay Lohan is about 97% like Lindsay Lohan. My Heritage works after all!
Posted by ashley at 02:15 AM | TrackBack
1189: Lies! (Part 1)
"My Heritage" came up in a conversation last weekend, or more specifically, the way in which My Heritage randomly tells people they most strongly resemble a Koren popstar or a Japanese model when really nothing could possibly be farther from the truth. I don't mean that in a bad way, like no one is pretty enough to be a celebrity in Asia; I just mean, these people are not Asian in any way, shape, or form.
The first time I goofed on My Heritage, I had the same experience. I had to Google 80% of its selections because, while they might be hugely popular elsewhere in the world, they're simply not anyone I recognize.
I gave it another shot last night. I decided to do it properly, if My Heritage can actually be done "properly." I took as close to a straight-on photo as I could manage, which was evidently more of a challenge than I realized because when I uploaded the photo to my computer, I snorted with delight at that look of grim determination on my face.
What's going on there?!
Actually, I lied. That's not me. That's a photo I found in the dictionary next to "crazy lady." Part of me wishes I'd not had the "red-eye reduction" thing on, because I think looking like I can shoot lasers out of those peepers would really tie everything together nicely.
Well, if nothing else, I now know for certain that I shouldn't have bought that shirt.
Moving on.
Perhaps the people at My Heritage have tweaked their system, but on my second visit, I received the following (and no more accurate) results...
Well, we've all got eyes and noses and mouths... knock on wood.
When I tried to see who my male matches would be, none came up. (Does that happen for anyone else?) I find that disappointing, because I'm sure those would have been even more random and inappropriate. I'm sure someone, at some point in my life, has half-thought I almost vaguely looked like Rachel Leigh Cook -- but only because I apparently look like every brunette... ever.
But... Anna Kournikova?! Come on!
Obviously, when you meet someone or already know them fairly well, you might be able to find some resemblance to someone else (famous or otherwise) you know. I guess a large part of that has to do with things other than your face -- your height, your size, the way you carry yourself, the way you dress, the way you style your hair, your personality, etc. But even if you went on facial features alone... how would you ever come to the conclusion that I look anything like Tia Carrere?
How does My Heritage work? Did it just pick a random selection of faces, possibly with the intention of freaking people out? I've yet to meet anyone who gets their results from My Heritage and thinks, "Yeah, I can see that." Why does everyone end up laughing in bewilderment? What kind of crap is this?
It's all a bunch of lies! I mean, not one of the photos they've selected for me even come close to capturing that look of total insanity in my wee, beady eyes. My Heritage is a sham!!
I guess I shouldn't complain. I mean, part of me was scared of getting this...
PS: Forgive the hair. It's up in pins after a long day of work. The cutting of slack is appreciated.
Posted by ashley at 01:28 AM | TrackBack
June 07, 2007
1188: Trogdor-wear
I don't know what ModCloth had in mind when they offered this shirt, but am I the only person who sees it and thinks about burninating all the peoples?
And their thatched-roof cottages?
Posted by ashley at 12:25 PM | TrackBack
1187: J'adore Dior a little more now.
I know this is semi-old news but I like it.*
Eva Green to become new face of Christian Dior perfume
(via MI6.co.uk)
The next starlet, in a long list of celebrities, ready to be a spokesmodel for a signature perfume is French actress Eva Green. Green played Vesper Lynd in the blockbuster James Bond film Casino Royale.
The actress will be the face for "Midnight Poison" by Christian Dior, which is expected to be released in September.
The director for the ads will be Wong Kar-Wai, who was recently recognized at the Cannes Film Festival for his movie "My Blueberry Nights."
Green's screen debut began in 2003 with the lead role in the drama "The Dreamers."
Posted by ashley at 12:12 PM | TrackBack
1186: BFF
It's been pointed out to me on numerous occasions that if I were "a dude," I'd be... Keanu Reeves.
I don't know how often people say these kinds of things to other people, but being inexplicably linked to a celebrity of the opposite gender in the minds of your friends and acquaintances can't be an entirely universal experience. I've never said something like that to someone else. If I thought about it, I think I could assign a male counterpart for all of my female friends but the assertion that I'd be, unquestionably, Keanu Reeves seems to take people far less consideration.
Whatever inspires this conclusion in the minds of others, I won't argue against it. My first thought was, "No, wouldn't I be... Boy George?" Yes and no. I don't do hats, firstly, and I'd never have gotten so plump. Or drug-addicted.* But when I finally give the Keanu thing some thought, I realize... you know, they're kinda right. I would be Keanu Reeves.
I've been hearing this for years now, although there's never a specific quality that cements the comparison. It's something to do with being dark haired and eyed while so very white. It's something to do with being disciplined about work, but also a little indifferent about other areas of life. It's something to do with always being ready for a nap. It's about being vaguely tragic, but pleasant. It's about keeping to yourself in a not entirely normal way. It's something to do with the fact that I am so easily amazed. But mostly, it's something to do with the fact that whenever I get into an elevator, I always press the button for the floor I entered on rather than the floor I want to go to. There's no one single thing that binds us, but a vague mixture of discipline, spaciness, and pallor.
We're not quite Yin and Yang... we're more like, two cups of chocolate pudding attached by our plastic lids in a two-pack. CelebMatch confirms it:
(7% physical compatibility? Duh! I mean, I'm not that narcissistic! Don't taint this cosmically-ordained BFF partnership with your skankitude!)
In the depths of what was most likely a severe depression (resulting from a lifetime of personal tragedy and intensifying around the illness of his sister, and death of his child and girlfriend), he embraced a certain hobo-ness. I, of course, did not, but I felt particularly concerned for him -- and continue to. He's been looking increasingly tired and disheveled in recent years, but Dlisted posted photos earlier of a much healthier, happier Keanu.
I'm glad. But my invitation to hug it out stands, Keanu. Anytime... that's what friends are for. Besides, I'm sure people are always like, "Dude, if you were a girl, you'd be Ashley Saunders."
* I'm sorry, George, but you know it's true. I still love you.
Edited to add: I look forward to some joker writing in as Keanu. I enjoyed it when someone used to pretend to be Clive Owen, but then misspelled his name. Would Clive Owen type out his full name anyway? If he did, he'd probably remember how it was spelled. Oh, and I totally forgot to mention that after having dreamed the night before about designing a swimwear line with Morrissey, I dreamed that I was working as a tailor at a high-end retail store. I was working on a suit for Clive Owen and he was totally inappropriate about the whole thing, in a way that made me wake up going, "UGH! AS IF!" Actually, from what I hear, he's supposedly very polite and not at all sketchy, so I don't know why my subconscious mind seems to think otherwise. I'm sure I neglected to tell Pete about that part of the dream because a) Pete would burninate him on principle, and b) I was more concerned about my subconscious mind's obvious pleas for a creative outlet. Pete got me a sewing machine for a birthday present some time ago -- it's time to make use of it!
In any event, I hope the inevitable Keanu-impersonator doesn't make repeated use of the words "bogus" and "most heinous." How do people always confuse him with Ted "Theodore" Logan? Keanu is, if a bit awkward, quite thoughtful. And any slight against Keanu is a slight against me!
Posted by ashley at 09:29 AM | TrackBack
June 06, 2007
1185: Woman of the the Century
After that diamond-encrusted skull, this is the single most incredible thing to ever exist in our dimension. It's advanced beyond all that you can possibly comprehend with 100% of your brain. It's... Victoria Beckham.
Victoria Beckham is Robot Hooker Woman of the Year
(via Egotastic)
She won Glamour magazine's "Woman of the Year" award. I don't know why everyone is pooh-poohing this outfit -- it's by Lagerfeld, for christsake! It's not... weird! It's awesome!
Posted by ashley at 04:15 PM | TrackBack
1184: Posh skull.
Over the weekend, Courtney showed me this lil' piece of awesomeness...
Never having been a fan of Damien Hirst's work before, I'm amazed that he (obviously) created this gorgeous thing pour moi. Is it not evil? Is it not posh? Is it not... mine?
Here's some background from the Times:
The Iceman Cometh
By William Shaw (6/3/07)
It’s particularly fitting that the title of Damien Hirst’s new headline-grabbing work came from an exasperated exclamation of his mother’s: “For the love of God, what are you going to do next?”
The answer, pictured here, is a life-size platinum skull set with 8,601 high-quality diamonds. If, as expected, it sells for around $100 million this month, it will become the single most expensive piece of contemporary art ever created. Or the most outrageous piece of bling.
At home in Devon, Hirst insists it’s absolutely the former. “I was very worried for a while, because if it looked like bling — tacky, garish and over the top — we would have failed. But I’m very pleased with the end result. I think it’s ethereal and timeless.”
For Hirst, famous pickler of sharks and bovine bisector, all his art is about death. This piece, which was cast from an 18th-century skull he bought in London, was influenced by Mexican skulls encrusted in turquoise. “I remember thinking it would be great to do a diamond one — but just prohibitively expensive,” he recalls. “Then I started to think — maybe that’s why it is a good thing to do. Death is such a heavy subject, it would be good to make something that laughed in the face of it.”
The dazzle of the diamonds might outshine any meaning Hirst attaches to it, and that could be a problem. Its value as jewelry alone is preposterous. Hirst, who financed the piece himself, watched for months as the price of international diamonds rose while the Bond Street gem dealer Bentley & Skinner tried to corner the market for the artist’s benefit. Given the ongoing controversy over blood diamonds from Africa, “For the Love of God” now has the potential to be about death in a more literal way.
“That’s when you stop laughing,” Hirst says. “You might have created something that people might die because of. I guess I felt like Oppenheimer or something. What have I done? Because it’s going to need high security all its life.”
The piece is not exactly the stuff of public art, but Hirst says he hopes that an institution like the British Museum might put it on display for a while before it disappears into a vault, never to be seen again. Whether the piece is seen or not, Hirst will likely go down in the Guinness Book of Records as the world’s most extravagant artist.
“I hadn’t thought about that!” he suddenly snorts with laughter. “I deal with that with all my work. The markup on paint and canvas is a hell of a lot more than on this diamond piece.”
Posted by ashley at 11:30 AM | TrackBack
June 05, 2007
1183: I've always wondered...
How to deal with those people trying to promote comedy clubs on the sidewalk. Now I know...
And What a Pretty Forehead Piercing
Comedy ticket guy: Hey, do you like to laugh?
Goth chick: No. Do I look like I like to laugh?
Comedy ticket guy: My bad.
--Times Square
Overheard by: Laura M.
via Overheard in New York, Jun 3, 2007
Posted by ashley at 05:53 PM | TrackBack
1182: Sit on that cake!
I haven't had any caffeine yet today, so everything's a little bit foggy. When my alarm went off, I was having a dream about running away from all my obligations to design a swimwear line with... Morrissey. The dream featured a soundtrack by Voxtrot, which was nice.
My brain may be in need of a reboot, but it's not so useless that it forgot that today is Aili's birthday. Happy birthday!
Posted by ashley at 08:37 AM | TrackBack
June 04, 2007
1181: Five years later, girls still just wanna have fun.
Back from the reunion, ladies and gents, and happy to report that it was a complete blast.
After having been trapped (inexplicably) in a cab on the FDR for an hour (!) on Friday and consequently late meeting Aili to drive down, we were all happily reunited over Thai food before heading over to campus. Traditionally, the "step sing" (in which each represented year sings its own class song and everyone joins in for the all-Greek BMC classic and "Bread and Roses," among others) takes place outside by candlelight (well, by lantern-light) and typically features drinking, streaking, and a few tears (generally not brought on by the streaking but by the sentimentality that this school inspires).
So when we arrived to find that the reunion's step sing would be taking place indoors, in a brightly lit room full of chairs, responsible people with babies, and a sense of overall sobriety... we were a bit concerned. We slunk to the back like the hooligans we are, leaving the chairs to our more dignified predecessors from the classes of 1942 on to the class of 1997. The class of 2002, for the most part, did its best to control its otherwise unrestrained sense of reckless abandonment. Our older sisters harmonized in heartfelt renditions of soft, tender songs about love, hope, and friendship. When our turn came, the room turned around to stare at the twitching, giggling crew that represented 2002 and we yelled out the song which probably best describes our relationship to the world...
My friends are delivering healthy babies, ensuring legal justice for all, traveling the world, fighting terrorism, creating venues for artistic expression, and bettering the world in a myriad of ways. (Me, I'm in advertising, but whatever. Does my work to promote fabulousness count for nothing? I think not!) But no matter how serious our professional pursuits, I'm glad that our desire to spread joy remains as strong as ever. "Girl Power" was a lie none of us bought into, but are we not empowering women by example? We work hard, we support each other, we support an institution that strives to educate women and spread the desire to better society as a whole. If the mark we have personally left on this institution is one of lasting friendship and happiness, I think that's great. You can be forward-thinking, feminist, and taken seriously while still having a thirst for fun.
In 2052, I suspect we will still be sneaking around with a bottle of champagne to share. We'll just sneak a little bit more slowly.