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April 30, 2007
1146: Fighting the powers that be, etc.
This is probably not the best way to start your Monday morning, but it's how I chose to start mine...
Perhaps I just like testing my self-discipline that way. Maybe I just wanted to see how long I could stand my subway ride without ripping a grown man out of the seat he shoved me away from in order to secure for his fat, selfish self. Maybe I wanted to see if I could stomach the usual catcalls without giving into a heightened urge to grab one such pig and throw his pathetic body into traffic. One more, "Hey, baby, how you doin'?" And I'd be all, "SCHPAAAARTAAAAH!"
I actually had a long blog entry on our weekend movie-watching (Grindhouse and Hot Fuzz, among others) but I'm not quite in the mood to put the finishing touches on it and post. I'm more in the mood to kick someone in the throat. This is undoubtedly due to my giving into the impulse to listen to one of the handful of playlists on my iPod I generally try to avoid listening to in the morning. Sure, they get me pumped up, but they're more for gym-going than work-going. If I swing my little arm out and clothesline the tool on the treadmill beside me sporting an earpiece for a cellphone no one is calling him on and an insane amount of Axe body spray... well, so what? But that kind of behavior isn't going to really going to get me far professionally. Well, unless I change my profession. And given the way my stylist went an inch or so shorter with my cheveaux this weekend, I've gone from this... to this...
I wasn't quite into it at first because I'm a creature of habit and I'm always afraid that if my hair is too short, people are going to mistake me for a boy, which would be completely gutting. Whenever I mention that to people, they just laugh but it doesn't really change how I feel. I'm not entirely sure why I even care, because to think that anything I do is motivated by a desire to be physically attractive to other people oh-fends me and my women’s-college-grad sensibilities on some (admittedly ridiculous, knee-jerk) level.
It's the same part of me that thinks I should know MC Lyte and Queen Latifah. They remind me of girls I knew in elementary school and middle school before Tupac came to power; girls with asymmetrical haircuts, Nefertiti silhouettes hanging from their ears, and tight black jeans. We jumped a lot of rope together and enjoyed dance class, and then we parted ways -- maybe we met up again in college in a freshman writing class. Maybe we ate lunch together occasionally, but more often not. Either way, the distance didn't diminish the mutual respect. We still like to dance, and if you get too close, we will remind you of where you belong -- which is no where near us. Do you know what I mean? (My BMC lovelies are all nodding.) In any event, I know some of you are a bit confused because I've always claimed to hate rap -- this is kind of another conversation for another time, but I'll say this much: I hate what rap has become, particularly for women. There's no variety any more, although I could be wrong because it's obviously not a genre I spend much time keeping up with -- but rap today seems to have no room for the De La Souls and Tribe(s) called Quests of the world. There seems to be a singular perspective for rap now, and if women want to function within it (with a few notable exceptions), they've got to out-do the boys in terms of vulgarity and hardness -- they have to compete with men in terms of abrasiveness and exploit the very things which make them genetically female. Isn't that kind of sick? Anyway...
As for my hair and why I care how it looks... who can say? I just do. Truth be told, I find that people compliment me more often when my hair is shorter. I don't know if that's because it's more unusual, particularly in a city where women spend a lot of money to have very long hair (I don't know why people think New York women typically have short hair -- they don't), or because it actually (for whatever reason) looks better without that extra inch. I think people mistake short hair for confidence, which most people generally respond to anyway. In any event, the only person who seems to have a problem with my hair getting shorter is typically me and I'm not sure why. Maybe it's because I know that while I look more like this... I feel more like this...
Except I'd probably have a crossbow. Minor detail, I know, but I'm very detail-oriented -- even when enraged.
Posted by ashley at 10:55 AM | TrackBack
April 27, 2007
1145: Lay back and think of movies.
Very, very, very excited about this...
Click here to visit the director's site.
Hugs and kisses to everyone who saw the kid who first appears around 1:45 and did a double-take. It's not him, obviously, but for a second there, didn't you kinda want to punch your monitor? What's awesome is that without even having met the person in question, some of you have undoubtedly guessed who it is and are feeling the same monitor-punching desire. And what's even more awesome is that I'm pretty sure he's reading this... so, maybe he'll punch himself and spare everyone else the effort!
In any event, I'm 100% excited about this movie. Pete, I promise this won't be another Football Factory situation. The biggest tragedy about that movie is that... wait, the whole thing is a tragedy. I don't want to get myself started on that one but how is it that you can make a movie about football hooligans and yet fail to show them even watch ing any soccer? This movie seemed to be more about how there's a shortage of cab drivers in the greater London area or something. I guess the answer is to rip off scenes from other movies (ahem, Goodfellas), crush out anything powerful or well-executed in those scenes, and then pump up the God-awful soundtrack to a point where no one can hear what's being said anyway. Ugh! What really breaks my heart about The Football Factory most of all, aside from everything, is that it destroyed whatever hope I had that Outlaw would be what I hoped it would be -- which is the film that I married and grew old with.
But seeing what an incapable director Nick Love is... well, I think I'm just going to have to settle down with Taxi Driver. Well, it's probably for the best anyway. We've been together for so long.
And because any blog entry on England wouldn't be complete without him...
Posted by ashley at 03:54 PM | TrackBack
April 26, 2007
1144: Film update!
I just received word from The Incredible Amoeba that he'll be available to serve tacos and/or provide gaffer services for our upcoming Tarantino project.
Concerning our efforts to bring the dynamic pairing of Coreys Haim and Feldmen to the silver screen, he's also working out the concept for a follow-up to the film currently in process:
here's my pitch for a second two coreys reunion film; (directed by qt,
of course) "whatever happened to baby corey" a co-option of "baby
jane" with our intrepid heroes slowly driving each other bonkers a la
joan crawford and bette davis...hmmm? hmmm?! it could end with a
jonestown-like koolaid double-poisoning to the strains of "rock on" by
michael damian.
I don't feel any shame in admitting that I snorted with delight upon reading this. My only question is this: Dear Coreys, what do I have to do to make this happen? If you need any convincing, just let the music take you there...
Posted by ashley at 02:30 PM | TrackBack
1143: Best.
Just when I think I couldn't feel any more demoralized, I find myself having the kind of that that manages to show me that, yes, I can actually feel worse. My options are to either weep like a baby or laugh like a maniac, and at the present time, I choose the latter.
But despite the situation that's got me so down, I'm able to see that there are good things in this world -- things like:
- Hugh Grant assaulting people with delicious baked beans
- Shoshi's dog finally getting the internet recognition that she (not he!) deserves
- British people misbehaving (thank you, Aili!)
- Posh being called a "Grade-A B*tch" (shut your mouth!)
- FJ having the best life in the world ("your hero was moderating a panel on Manga and Anime at the Smithsonian Institution. That’s right... I was told that I was the first person to ever speak on the Japanese art form in the history of The Smithsonian" -- how awesome is that?!)
- and... well, this guy
"A casual night outfit would be tights, a pair of heels, and then maybe a collared shirt with a corset and blazer over that," he says. Best guy ever!
And when I went out to get the gang some pick-me-up bagels, my iPod treated me to this:
Which is always nice. Thank you, world, for cheering me up.
Edited to add: And extra-special thanks to the Anonymous Emailer (like the Boston Strangler) who wrote in to tell me that I should cheer up because GBut "loves me like a fat kid loves cake." Does he?
According to CelebMatch...
Well, I suppose it depends on how you feel about cake.
Posted by ashley at 11:41 AM | TrackBack
April 25, 2007
1142: "And young ladies everywhere."
I'm quite stressed out at the moment and after venting to the ever patient Pete (bless!), I still managed to go to bed totally angry and frustrated by my situation. Consequently, I slept quite badly and woke up feeling tired and no less furious.
Although it didn't treat me to any of the entertaining but semi-disturbing dreams that I normally have -- the kind that walk the thin line between horror and comedy -- my brain did play for me the following as soon as I woke up:
You cheeky little brain, you!
BTW, is this about Heather Graham? (How cute!)
Possible. This album was from, what, 1995? According to this, they dated in 1994. And in 1995 she dated... Jon Favreau. Eww... downgrade!
Posted by ashley at 05:01 PM | TrackBack
1141: "How cute is Heidi as a pirate?"
Thank you, Shoshi, for sending me this lovely item, which manages to combine two of my favorite things in this world: models and pirates!
Apparently, Heidi had an eye infection -- a very chic one.
Posted by ashley at 02:25 PM | TrackBack
April 24, 2007
1140: Also...
While I'm pitching and casting what will undoubtedly be The Greatest Movie Ever Made* I'd like to propose the making of another film to be based on the life of Pfc. Jessica Lynch.
Reese Witherspoon will play Lynch, naturally.
And the rest of the movie basically makes itself, folks!
* After, obviously, Goodfellas, Taxi Driver, and Pee-wee's Big Adventure.
Posted by ashley at 07:06 PM | TrackBack
1139: "Dear Corey"
Shoshi sent this earlier:
OK, TV fans -- here's your chance to ask '80s teen heartthrobs Corey Haim and Corey Feldman anything! They return to the tube this summer with a new reality series on A&E, but they will also be guest columnists on MSN, and you can ask them anything. Seriously. Got a question about your relationship? Ask them. Need advice on breaking into the acting biz? Ask away. Want to know what it was like to work with Kiefer Sutherland? Ask them, already! The best questions will be featured in the column and answered personally by each Corey. So, go ahead, Corey-maniacs, ask away: askcorey@microsoft.com
Truthfully, there's nothing I want to ask Corey Haim about. Corey Feldman, however, is another story. As you'll see in the following, he's obviously something of an incredible human being...
"The purpose of Corey Feldman is to try and bring a little laughter, a little peace, a little love."
It is? Oh. And all this time, I thought it was to pantomime old school Michael Jackson moves with startling skill and accuracy. What a let down!
In any event, there's still a lot I'd like to learn about from Corey Feldman. For one thing, I'd like to know if he's been in touch with Tarantino because Pete and I really think there's great potential in a partnership between those two. Perhaps Feldman isn't humbled and grateful enough to accept Taratino's help yet, but just look at what he did for Travolta (before Travolta threw it all away) and Daryl Hannah (ditto... kinda). In the future, whenever Tarantino is tempted to cast -- say -- himself in a bit role, he should just substitute in Feldman. *ding!* *ding!* *ding!* We have a winner! I'd rather see Samuel L. Jackson scrubbing brains out of the upholstery of a car in Corey Feldman's garage any day.
Edited to add: Ladies and germs, it is my pleasure to announce to you that The Incredible Amoeba has approved the motion to cast Corey Feldman in Tarantino's next project. Principle photography is to scheduled to begin as soon as both Feldman and Tarantino get over themselves, and will take place in an abandoned tortilla factory in East Los Angeles. We are in talks with various film starts of the 70's and will announce further casting decisions as they are made. No script has been written or approved, but we have the greenlight to begin penning a remake of Dog Day Afternoon. We have a budget of $28 for a taco lunch for the crew. The working title for this project is "Back2Basics" or "Project: FINALLY!" Watch this space!
Edited, again, to add: Exciting news! We've secured Corey Haim to play "Bloated Corpse #4" and we're meeting with Paul Reubens' people later this week to hammer out a deal that could make him our hero's love interest -- fingers crossed! William Fichtner has signed on to play "Bad Cop #2" and Tom Sizemore will play "Man in the Airport."
Posted by ashley at 12:09 PM | TrackBack
April 23, 2007
1138: "Where is the goddamn love, woman!"
During the workday, Jon often listens to Virgin in our little corner of the universe. It's nice for him because it's like a little window that looks out on his home while he's living here, and you never know when we might need the weather and traffic report for, uh, the greater London metropolitan area. It's not likely we'll find ourselves trying to get home on the M1 any night this week, but it's good to know when things are running slow -- you know what I mean?
In any event, Virgin played the following this morning (well, morning for us here in NYC), and it reminded me of FJ -- who provided the title for this blog entry. Here is the goddamn love!
Concerning fond thoughts of friends... who sent me that email about the Amy Sedaris event? (Thank you, by the way!) I can guess but I wouldn't want to be wrong. Who are you, gentle stranger? Are we, perhaps, soulmates? (In a platonic way, of course -- no offense -- as I'm quite fond of Pete.) Are you trapped on the M1 tonight?
Edited to add: Thanks to the power of the internet I have determined that the aforementioned gentle stranger is no stranger at all -- it's Wendy-Lynn! Hey! High five!
Posted by ashley at 06:33 PM | TrackBack
1137: "I'll feed your face / to my dirty goat!"
Thanks, Chris, for pointing this out.
Posted by ashley at 03:57 PM | TrackBack
1136: "We're here to throw down."
In what is becoming a weekly ritual, Chris, Loren and I went to the movies over the weekend to see what Pete either can't be convinced to see for a first time or again for the millionth time.
Last week we basked (again) in the color-adjusted, blood-spewing glory of what The New Yorker called "the nuttiest movie ever to become a monster hit" and a "porno-military curiosity" in which "muscle-queen Spartans... fight in leather codpieces and red capes and die clutching each other’s hands... It has something to do with the battle of Thermopylae."
Frankly, I don't ask for a lot from a movie and yet many still fail to deliver. As long as a movie doesn't claim to be "important" or something I "must see," I'm good to go and I'm willing to give it a shot. It helps if it's not a "tear-jerker" or "a coming-of-age story" about "mothers and daughters" and "the true meaning of friendship." (Well, unless it's The Brave Little Toaster -- I can't handle that movie. It gets me every time!) And it had better not be lauded with awards simply so people who spend thousands on pore refining treatments to bravely sniff back fake tears and slow-clap in support of... you know, the big issues. Shut up! Shut up! SHUT UP!
I can think for myself! And I'm probably better off doing so than putting my brain on autopilot and letting people tell me what's wrong or right with the world because I'm obviously too stupid to form opinions myself. *drools on self*
*Phew.* But enough about that!
So, I was eager to see Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film for Theaters -- a film which, while it might feature horrific acts of animated violence, couldn't possibly offend my film-loving sensitivities by purporting to be "a really important film" that, like, "starts an open dialogue" about blah blah blah. I just want to be entertained, which I was -- for the first 10 minutes of the film. Don't get me wrong, it was hilarious, but the first 10 minutes were absolutely fantastic. Loren and I had mused on whether the film ought to have been just a series of episodes back-to-back, because how could they possibly keep up the frantic momentum essential to any episode over the course of an hour and 27 minutes? Well, they couldn't. But we laughed anyway.
I won't bother to outline the plot because I'm slightly offended by all the reviews which make an effort to do so, completely ignoring the real essence of ATHF by trying to piece together a coherent narrative and assuming it has one in the first place. Besides, who doesn't know what ATHF is by now? There were only 4 women in the theater (Loren and I being 2 of these 4), and one of them was a very frail 3 million year old lady! Weird, yes, but whatever. She was down with it. She thinks your third dimension is cute!
In any event, ATHF movie... thumbs up, if only for bringing fans together. It's one thing to laugh by yourself (or with a bemused loved one) at home watching it, and another to enjoy it in a crowd of like-minded individuals. It warms the heart, even if your heart is made out of cheesewhiz.
Posted by ashley at 09:58 AM | TrackBack
April 20, 2007
1135: Stand and be ashamed.
Ashley: i shamed myself earlier in the week
Chris: on one of those network news exposes?
Ashley: ha ha i wish
Ashley: my phone went off in a meeting and i had neglected to switch it to vibrate
Chris: ha ha ha
Chris: what did it play?
Ashley: "stand and deliver"
Ashley: there was a moment of silence for my dignity
Chris: HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
Chris: oh, wait
Chris: for a second... i had "Man in the Mirror" in my head when you wrote that
Ashley: ha ha ha ha ha
Ashley: man
Ashley: i would just quietly weep as it went to voicemail
Ashley: too ashamed to stand up and silence my phone
Chris: look annoyed at some coworker
Posted by ashley at 04:44 PM | TrackBack
1134: "TONIGHT WE DINE IN HOBOKEN"*
Thank you, Michael, for a) whistling the theme to Dallas, and then b) pointing out that "Dallas" spelled backwards is kinda like "Salad."
Now that we've gotten that out of the way... a moment of silence for 300. Not that it's gone completely, but it's gradually leaving theaters here in NYC and last night I noticed that it had finally left the theater down the street from our apartment. This is particularly sad for me and my brother, as we have grown so fond of slaughtering inexplicably mutated people in slow motion and yelling constantly. How are we going to entertain ourselves when it's gone? According to Chris, 300 has made some $400 million worldwide, so we can't be alone in our desire to work "TONIGHT WE DINE IN (insert place name)!" into conversations whenever completely and 100% inappropriate. As I said to Chris earlier, I'm going to miss 300 -- all that yelling, and killing, and construction projects consisting mainly of corpses.
Well, there's always Caketown...
And, of course, Hot Fuzz.
Chris:i am busy writing a screed against some idiot who said Hot Fuzz glorifies violence.
Ashley: WHAT
Chris: i know
Ashley: well, shaun of the dead glorifies zombies. and Queen.
Chris: ha ha ha
* Special thanks to Rob, for providing the title for this entry.
Posted by ashley at 12:02 PM | TrackBack
April 19, 2007
1133: "Where to now, my sweet fascist?"
This is for Chris, whose commentary on Henry Rollins I neglected to include in my weekend recap:
(Apologies to those of who living elsewhere and perhaps not familiar with conservative freakshow Ann Coulter. Here's her Wikipedia entry.)
Posted by ashley at 03:08 PM | TrackBack
1132: These dreams.
Freud said "Dreams are often most profound when they seem the most crazy." If that's true, then my dreams deserve some kind of Nobel prize for profundity. Who do I see about that? Is there paperwork involved? I hope there's not too much because I'm EXHAUSTED.
As I've mentioned before, I periodically go through phases of not sleeping well. I assume this state is generally brought on by stress but sometimes it just seems to come on at will, when I least want it, which is always nice. I've also got a habit of having insane, brain-asploding dreams -- typically featuring corpse discoveries (OMG!), zombie attacks (watch out!), accidental deaths and subsequent cannibalism (oops!), and -- everyone's favorite -- celebrity appearances (yay!).
What does it all mean? I don't know and I probably don't want to know. Freud would probably say that I have some deep-rooted desire to be chased by a man with freakishly tiny hands (what a classic!) but, with a little soul searching, I can say with certainty that I want no such thing. Periodically these phases of freaky dreams coincide with periods of poor sleep, such as I'm having now.
Here are some notable results from this most recent round of brain asplosions:
I was obviously concerned about securing tickets for Morrissey's MSG concert in June, which go on sale soon. Not wanting to miss out on the presale due to having a busy day when tickets first go on sale, I dreamed that Morrissey told me to have my boyfriend (who, for the record is busier than I am) to buy the tickets instead. When I woke up, my first thought was, "Thank you, Morrissey!" What a great idea! I'd be in meetings all day, maybe Pete could get the tickets. When I talked to Pete about it later, he was notable unconcerned about the fact that I converse with Morrissey in my sleep through some sort of astral projection and he agreed to get the tickets (bless!).
A few nights later, I was half asleep and annoyed by the sound of people talking on the street outside our building. It was around 4 AM and although these people weren't being particularly loud, the street was so quiet that it was virtually impossible not to hear them. I say "virtually" because evidently Pete had no difficulty ignoring them and slept through my rage-filled trip to the window so that I might peer hatefully at their inferior peacoats and the chunky heels of their girlfriends. Back in bed, I dozed in and out of consciousness, and dreamed that Gerard Butler, in some sort of GTA-style LA cop uniform approached this small group of frat-types on our sidewalk and began to beat the bejesus out of them. How great is that? Way to regulate, GBut!
And although I don't recall the details of last nights dream, I do recall it involving the challenging task of catching my 2-fast, 2-furious rabbit. As I've said before, catching Dewey when he doesn't want to be caught (which is always) isn't easy. The sensation of his wee, furry body just barely escaping my hand felt quite realistic -- I could even hear his irritated litte grunt noise as he darted and twitched his way out of my hands over and over again. This may have had something to do with the fact that he briefly woke me up about a half hour before my alarm was set to go off by scratching at the door. What a pushy rabbit!
As entertained as I am by these dreams, I can't help but feel disappointed that there's so little carnage involved. Is that wrong? Jon is doing his best to improve the situation by threatening me with a bent plastic fork and hissing, "IT'S THE SCARLET CLAW!"
If I'm not going to sleep properly, I might as well be entertained. Where have all my zombies gone? I'll take the Scarlet Claw in the meantime, but I feel like my brain is slacking. I want horror! And Morrissey tickets!
Edited to add: Je m'excuse. I forgot to post the very thing which ties together this blog entry and its title. Pardon!
Posted by ashley at 10:51 AM | TrackBack
April 18, 2007
1131: You know how it is.
Edited to add: This probably doesn't make Michael or Jon feel any better, but it makes me smile. Well, that and knowing that Michael will be returning with some kind of dessert for us. ("Come back with your tiramisu or on it!")
Posted by ashley at 12:43 PM | TrackBack
April 17, 2007
1130: Happy birthday, Posh.
Shosh emailed earlier:
"Somehow, I feel like I should congratulate you on this great day--the
day Posh was born."
Thank you! Actually, I know what she means. We've lost the tradition of celebrating the days of our patron saints.
Shoshi also noted a recent soundbite from me* on the BBC news site. Says Shosh, "I like to think that in her spare time, our Ash is an ornithologist. A fashionable one." Is there any other kind?
* Not me, of course. In fact, it's probably a guy whose hair is totally unlike Victoria Beckham's.**
** Which is to say, the way I've had my hair for the past, what, eight years? OMG my hair is old!
Posted by ashley at 08:29 PM | TrackBack
1129:
I'm relieved to hear that the lovely and incredibly funny Anita is OK after yesterday's events down in Blacksburg, but sadly, a close friend of hers has lost two people in his life.
Edited to add: I'd found a really startling clip of camera phone footage from someone standing outside the second site but it's honestly too disturbing to post.
Posted by ashley at 10:33 AM | TrackBack
April 16, 2007
1128: The weekend in quotes
"What I learned from this movie is that Spartans invented metal."
- Chris, on 300
"Cruella DeVille."
- New York, on Romance's new hair, I Love NY reunion special
Pete: "I get Imus confused with that other old guy... in the woods... on that show... shooting people..."
Ashley: "I don't know."
Pete: "With a crossbow..."
Ashley: "Ted Nugent."
Pete: "That's the guy."
Edited to add: This is an old (but cute) interview that illustrates a point I was trying to make to Chris and Loren on Saturday night, which is that Gerard Butler (or GBut, if you will, and you should) doesn't actually talk like Sean Connery. That's just his Spartan voice.
Posted by ashley at 10:36 AM | TrackBack
April 13, 2007
1127: New desktop photo...
Thanks, Jon. Thanks a lot.
It's Michael Flatley. You know, "The Lord of the Dance."
I can't live with this thing on my computer for another second. It looks like his head is a hotdog on the verge of exploding.
Posted by ashley at 05:51 PM | TrackBack
1126: Blinded with science, violence, and your third dimension.
Briefly distracting me from my rage, Loren reminded me that the ATHF movie opens today! (Click here to visit the official site for Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film for Theaters.)
Although I feel the pull of ATHF, I am also in the mood for slow-mo blood splattering on a really, really big screen so I'm trying to round up the troops for a second viewing of 300... in IMAX!
Please don't think of this as an endorsement of Drowning Pool...
It's purely to demonstrate my insatiable appetite for blood. And capes! And for those of us familiar with the goth scene in the Philadelphia area (Ilyssa, I'm looking at you), this should also result in a few knowing sneers. The first ten seconds of this song immediately trigger in me an inexplicable desire to run and secure a safe viewing spot around that "pit" at Shampoo. Do they still do that? You'd think watching a bunch of guys shoving each other around and mistaking themselves for Danzig, while the rest of the club looks on in varying states of revulsion and amusement, would get old... but it kind of doesn't. Well, actually, it did get old pretty fast. And then like a bad joke that gets funnier with repetition, it returned to being mildly entertaining. But I digress...
Lindsey was kind enough to provide a link that offered an answer to my question concerning toilet flushing in the southern hemisphere.
The answer is... "Science!" Also, "No."
I really wanted to be able to post a video of Thomas Dolby's "She Blinded Me With Science" but couldn't find one on YouTube. How crappy is that? Well, I guess we'll just have to make do with Drowning Pool.
And for those of us who love clever people who scream a lot, as well as kindness towards our feline friends, there's this...
Posted by ashley at 11:53 AM | TrackBack
1125: Scum
Hey, Joe Petcka, here's to you "suffer[ing] a lingering, agonizing death" -- and fingers crossed that it leaves you "with a cut lip, broken ribs, fractured teeth, a split tongue, torn lungs and blood in [your] chest cavity."
You miserable son of a b*tch.
From Gawker:"Cat murderer reminds us why we only date cate people."
Click here to donate to the ASPCA.
Edited to add: The same story, as covered by Gothamist includes this:
"Petcka faces up to two years in prison for animal cruelty. What's almost sicker is that Petcka's lawyer claims the cat was the one to blame: 'The cat bit him, then any injuries to the cat were in response to being bit.'"
Ugh... God. Are you kidding me?!
Gothamist also adds...
"April is Prevention of Cruelty to Animals Month (we think it should be every month) and here are 10 ways you can fight animal cruelty."
Posted by ashley at 11:03 AM | TrackBack
April 12, 2007
1124: Small and not that angry
Jon called me while out on his lunch break to say he had just seen "my boy"* Henry Rollins. I thought perhaps Jon was just messing with me because there are no less than 3 million posters** promoting his show plastered all around our neighborhood. Jon said no, that he's just seen Rollins in the flesh; I issued the requisite "OMGshutupnoway!" declaration of giddy disbelief. Rollins was carrying a Best Buy bag and bopping along in a way that Jon believes might have shattered my vision of Rollins had I witnessed it myself. Also, he was wearing pants that seemed too short for his legs.
* Yesterday, Jon saw Paul Walker of... I'm not entire sure... The Fast & The Furious? And Jon was eager to name Walker as one of "my boys," which, obviously, he's not.
Because these are...
** How weird to be surrounded by giant photos of your grimly disapproving visage!
Posted by ashley at 02:51 PM | TrackBack
1123: Love Spreads, and so do germs.
I'm back -- thanks for all the well-wishes, everyone. Now that I'm not sick, I can give you all big hugs. Well, some of you.
But what a crap-ass day to be back out in the world -- it's raining like crazy here in NYC. It's the kind of day that ensures you'll not be able to go outside, no matter how careful you are, without getting completely slapped around and soaked. I can't bring myself to become one of those girls who wear the bottoms of their pants* stuffed into cutesy rubber boots, and I am therefore doomed to spend the rest of eternity with jeans so heavy with rain water, they're in danger of falling down under the strain of their own weight. Well, not really, but it's not exactly comfortable.
What can make today tolerable? The Stone Roses, obviously.
* By "pants," I mean "trousers." Or whatever you want to call them. I know many of you live in places where pants mean something else entirely. And within that subset, some of you have toilets that flush in the other direction.** Intriguing, no?
** Actually... is that true? I made a half-hearted effort to see what the internet had to say and came across this, which is a directory of public restrooms in Australia. I stand on the fine line between bafflement (is finding a bathroom down there really a subject of national interest?) and awe... although, truthfully, I am basically terrified of public restrooms in general. But I do love milk. And flying. Hmm...
Posted by ashley at 09:57 AM | TrackBack
April 11, 2007
1122: Sick, but mostly in the head.
I was sick late Sunday night, but well enough to go to work on Monday. Then, on Tuesday, I ended up leaving early on account of a fever. Still achy and crappy-feeling, I'm home today.
I took my temperature first thing this morning, despite the fact that your morning body temperature can often be slightly lower than normal. Evidently, my thermometer isn't working properly because despite having all the indications of still being feverish and achy, my temperature (according to my thermometer) was too low to be normal. Assuming that reading was correct, I asked Pete what it could mean. He said that we should check online, but that the thermometer must be broken because a low body temperature generally relates to hypothermia.
I immediately stopped listening -- not on purpose, but because I was totally distracted. As Pete continued to speak, my mind was only hearing, "Watch out for hypothermia... watch out for daddy's beatings. Watch out for Mom... she's wearing the shoes that you hate!"
In any event, I'm not suffering from hypothermia or anything else I found online about low body temperature (knock on wood!) in the course of my brief "look up something about health online without sending yourself into a panic because you may have only moments to live" search for information. My thermometer is broken. And I have a very short attention span.
Posted by ashley at 09:35 AM | TrackBack
April 10, 2007
1121: Rock.
Thank you, Chris. I needed that.
Posted by ashley at 09:53 AM | TrackBack
April 09, 2007
1120: Aujourd'hui (part 3)
Update: So, the thing I mentioned on Friday finally came to pass and however wary we'd been about the potentially stressful fall-out... well, the result was nothing we'd prepared ourselves to face. We thought there'd be action of sorts, that we'd have to be on our toes and deal with things head-on, when -- at least for the moment -- things are completely... quiet. You see, the big revelation (which wasn't mine to make) didn't become public in quite the way we'd been led to believe it would -- and because we'd based all potential fall-out scenarios around what we'd been led to believe would happen, we were totally unprepared to find ourselves in a state of limbo like this.
I can only really describe it as a combination of these two things:
Which is to say... a state of no one quite knowing what anyone else knows or how to handle it, and everyone walking on eggshells. However excited I'd been about being thrust into the future by volatile change... well, now it's just a big, ominous question mark. I wish I could say more, but I can't quite yet...
So, instead, I'll say this...
Posted by ashley at 05:12 PM | TrackBack
1119: Aujourd'hui (part 2)
Sorry for the unintentional cliff-hanger on Friday -- and there's honestly no reason to be terribly concerned/excited. A number of you emailed to find out what the situation was and I'm sorry for any stress my cryptic last entry may have caused. It's bad news for some, good news for others, but not really *my* news to share.
Because I wasn't feeling well last night and I'm completely exhausted, I'm handling the uncertainty of the near-term future kind of like this:
Not for any particular reason, of course. I'm just kind of out of it.
Posted by ashley at 09:54 AM | TrackBack
April 06, 2007
1118: Aujourd'hui
I woke up today sensing there was going to be a big change coming. Well, truthfully, there is something considerable coming and I'd thought it would be happening today but I'm now told it won't be until Monday. Whether it's that particular event and its potential fall-out that has my mind so occupied, I'm not sure, but I definitely feel like there's something in the air.
Normally, I'm terrified of change but I'm strangely excited about whatever it is that's coming our way. It makes me feel like...
Do you know what I mean? No, probably not. Apologies for being cryptic -- the news I refered to above isn't really my news to share.
Posted by ashley at 09:49 AM | TrackBack
April 05, 2007
1117: Director Robert Clark dies.
'A Christmas Story' director, son killed in crash (from CNN)
'Christmas Story' Director Clark, Popularizer Of The Phrase 'You'll Shoot Your Eye Out, Kid" Dies In PCH Car Crash (from Defamer)
Posted by ashley at 10:57 AM | TrackBack
1116: "It's not too much, is it?"
Tell me true -- what do you think of these shoes?
They make me feel a bit...
Despite the fact that it's been too cold and nasty outside to break out the new shoes I already own, I'm itching for more. And after having gotten my heart totally set on these, I'm stunned to see the store is located in New Zealand. I don't know how I found this site, but perhaps a more relevant concern is that I don't know how to convert NZ sizes to US sizes.
For the curious... I found a conversion chart here.
Posted by ashley at 10:24 AM | TrackBack
April 04, 2007
1115: What the crap?
Although this is actually old-ish news, I hadn't seen it until recently...
With the help of burlesque performer Dita Von Tease, Sir Richard Branson launched his new Virgin Media Group yesterday. Dita is quickly becoming a ‘thinspiration’ with her ability to shave 5 inches from her waist before her performances through starvation and corsets. Days before a performance Dita adheres to a strict diet of steamed vegetables and small amounts of protein to take her 21 inch waist down to 16 inches, smaller than the waist of an average 3-year-old.
Dita said: ‘I love the feeling, though. It’s like being completely tight.’
Of course it feels tight, there is nothing separating her skin from her bones.
Strangely, they make no mention of how scary it was for my little choufleur -- which is to say, completely and utterly terrifying!
Also, look at that judging! She looks great, as always, and she's a professional.
And as Karl Lagerfeld put it, "Some people say to me you're too skinny, but never a skinny person says that to me, only people who could lose a few pounds say that."
OH SNAP!
Posted by ashley at 04:09 PM | TrackBack
1114: Merci!
After having kind of a poopy morning, I am pleased to receive something from lovely Lindsey which combines two of my favorite things - animals and piracy!
Arrrgh! (And thank you!)
And there's always this...
Posted by ashley at 12:13 PM | TrackBack
April 03, 2007
1113: Metal baby.
Couple fights to name baby 'Metallica'
STOCKHOLM, Sweden - Metallica may be a cool name for a heavy metal band, but a Swedish couple is struggling to convince officials it is also suitable for a baby girl.
Michael and Karolina Tomaro are locked in a court battle with Swedish authorities, which rejected their application to name their six-month-old child after the legendary rock band.
"It suits her," Karolina Tomaro, 27, said Tuesday of the name. "She's decisive and she knows what she wants."
Although little Metallica has already been baptized, the Swedish National Tax Board refused to register the name, saying it was associated with both the rock group and the word "metal."
Tomaro said the official handling the case also called the name "ugly."
The couple was backed by the County Administrative Court in Goteborg, which ruled on March 13 that there was no reason to block the name. It also noted that there already is a woman in Sweden with Metallica as a middle name.
The tax agency appealed to a higher court, frustrating the family's foreign travel plans.
"We've had to cancel trips and can't get anywhere because we can't get her a passport without an approved name," Tomaro said.
(Thanks to Chris, for sending this.)
Posted by ashley at 02:48 PM | TrackBack
April 02, 2007
1112: "I say we let him go."
This pretty much sums up the weekend...
Edited to add: I am shocked and amazed that Zappos has managed to deliver shoes I ordered Friday evening on the following Monday morning. Isn't that kind of crazy? Where is their warehouse? It must be located a few floors below my office.
Not sure yet if I'm keeping them, but bravo, Zappos, BRAVO!