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August 20, 2008
1669: More bunny trouble: Update
We're scheduled to see the vet on Saturday about the lump I found on Dewey's stomach, and hopefully get it biopsied to see... well, man. I don't know, I have a terrible feeling about it.
He's in good spirits. His appetite is great, his energy is great, and he seems totally oblivious to the grape-sized lump in the middle of his little, white tummy. Since scheduling the appointment, I'd been taking Pete's advice to curb my worrying as much as possible. Things happen to animals, he tells me, and I know that's true. Whatever happens to Dewey, I've given him a great life and he's always been loved. Worrying about this won't actually change anything. As Dewey doesn't seem to be in any immediate danger (as he was when he stopped eating a few weeks ago), all we can do is exactly what we are doing -- which is seeing an expert and figuring out, based on her evaluation, what's the most humane thing to do, if anything. Worrying doesn't cure Dewey, but I can't stop myself.
Amazingly, I happened to catch the same subway as Chris tonight. Naturally, he asked how Dewey was doing and I admitted that I'd been avoiding touching the lump until we go see the vet.
Part of me (irrationally, I know) feels like if I don't feel it, I can pretend it's not there -- at least until it's time to confront it with the vet. Dewey's unchanged behavior makes it easy to feel like this. I could see that this struck Chris as sad -- both Dewey's situation, and my desire to pretend it wasn't a reality. I don't really know what else to do. I reached underneath Dewey a little while ago, felt that the lump was not only real but slightly firmer than it had been, and have been crying nonstop since.
Posted by ashley at August 20, 2008 07:56 PM
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