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June 07, 2007

1186: BFF

It's been pointed out to me on numerous occasions that if I were "a dude," I'd be... Keanu Reeves.

I don't know how often people say these kinds of things to other people, but being inexplicably linked to a celebrity of the opposite gender in the minds of your friends and acquaintances can't be an entirely universal experience. I've never said something like that to someone else. If I thought about it, I think I could assign a male counterpart for all of my female friends but the assertion that I'd be, unquestionably, Keanu Reeves seems to take people far less consideration.

Whatever inspires this conclusion in the minds of others, I won't argue against it. My first thought was, "No, wouldn't I be... Boy George?" Yes and no. I don't do hats, firstly, and I'd never have gotten so plump. Or drug-addicted.* But when I finally give the Keanu thing some thought, I realize... you know, they're kinda right. I would be Keanu Reeves.

I've been hearing this for years now, although there's never a specific quality that cements the comparison. It's something to do with being dark haired and eyed while so very white. It's something to do with being disciplined about work, but also a little indifferent about other areas of life. It's something to do with always being ready for a nap. It's about being vaguely tragic, but pleasant. It's about keeping to yourself in a not entirely normal way. It's something to do with the fact that I am so easily amazed. But mostly, it's something to do with the fact that whenever I get into an elevator, I always press the button for the floor I entered on rather than the floor I want to go to. There's no one single thing that binds us, but a vague mixture of discipline, spaciness, and pallor.

We're not quite Yin and Yang... we're more like, two cups of chocolate pudding attached by our plastic lids in a two-pack. CelebMatch confirms it:

(7% physical compatibility? Duh! I mean, I'm not that narcissistic! Don't taint this cosmically-ordained BFF partnership with your skankitude!)

In the depths of what was most likely a severe depression (resulting from a lifetime of personal tragedy and intensifying around the illness of his sister, and death of his child and girlfriend), he embraced a certain hobo-ness. I, of course, did not, but I felt particularly concerned for him -- and continue to. He's been looking increasingly tired and disheveled in recent years, but Dlisted posted photos earlier of a much healthier, happier Keanu.

I'm glad. But my invitation to hug it out stands, Keanu. Anytime... that's what friends are for. Besides, I'm sure people are always like, "Dude, if you were a girl, you'd be Ashley Saunders."

* I'm sorry, George, but you know it's true. I still love you.

Edited to add: I look forward to some joker writing in as Keanu. I enjoyed it when someone used to pretend to be Clive Owen, but then misspelled his name. Would Clive Owen type out his full name anyway? If he did, he'd probably remember how it was spelled. Oh, and I totally forgot to mention that after having dreamed the night before about designing a swimwear line with Morrissey, I dreamed that I was working as a tailor at a high-end retail store. I was working on a suit for Clive Owen and he was totally inappropriate about the whole thing, in a way that made me wake up going, "UGH! AS IF!" Actually, from what I hear, he's supposedly very polite and not at all sketchy, so I don't know why my subconscious mind seems to think otherwise. I'm sure I neglected to tell Pete about that part of the dream because a) Pete would burninate him on principle, and b) I was more concerned about my subconscious mind's obvious pleas for a creative outlet. Pete got me a sewing machine for a birthday present some time ago -- it's time to make use of it!

In any event, I hope the inevitable Keanu-impersonator doesn't make repeated use of the words "bogus" and "most heinous." How do people always confuse him with Ted "Theodore" Logan? Keanu is, if a bit awkward, quite thoughtful. And any slight against Keanu is a slight against me!

Posted by ashley at June 7, 2007 09:29 AM

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