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February 13, 2007

1040: We love movies.

Given how much time my office BFF Jon spent on various planes during his vacation, he was able to catch up on a lot of movie-watching that he had (much to my horror) neglected to do over the course of 2006. He tells me he dedicated a particularly long stretch of his in-flight movie-viewing time to me and my sometimes questionable taste in movies.

Luckily for me, he liked The Departed. After I'd hyped this up to an absurd degree, there was obviously a lot of potential for me looking foolish when the movie inevitably failed to live up to my totally unrealistic claims of "OMG BEST MOVIE EVER!"* He threatened to call my neighbors and tell them totally false, and completely vicious things about me should The Departed fail to live up to my screeching hype. I'm not sure why that distressed me as much as it did, but I'll be honest and admit that I was not at all excited about the possibility of my otherwise friendly neighbors suddenly turning on me. Of course, it's possible that they're only polite because Pete and I once witnessed one of them unable to get into his own apartment because he was too drunk and occupied with screaming "I FEEL LIKE SUCH A JERK! I CAN'T EVEN UNLOCK MY OWN DOOR!" to get around to actually unlocking his door. Also, I'm sure they often hear me putting on freaky voices to my pets but whatever. That's normal. And in any event, Jon liked The Departed ("it made me hate DiCaprio less") so my reputation around the building remains untarnished. Sweet! And yes, I know this is a remake of Infernal Affairs (or "Internal Affairs" as Cameron Diaz christened it during the Golden Globes) and FJ may slap me stupid for saying this but The Departed is, hands-down, a better movie.

"And then I watched Crank," he says, giving me the proverbial Evil Eye. What? I'm not responsible for that movie, and I don't know why people act as if I were. Is it wrong that I loved it? Yes, maybe, but pooh on you for judging like that... you... judger. Besides, what -- aside from getting wrecked on chocolate covered donuts and Diet Coke** while watching Pee-Wee's Playhouse for hours on end -- could be more Ashley than Crank-type garbage? CelebMatch tells me that Jason Statham and I are destined to be BFF, and if you really loved me like you say you do, I don't understand why you haven't opened your heart to him yet. You'd better, because he'll headbutt you to bejesus and back.

Jon didn't care for The Prestige, which is also apparently my fault. Sure, I was giddy about it prior to seeing it (Batman > Wolverine, obviously) but did I ever say "This is the best movie ever!" No, I said it was "entertaining," which it was. That opinion is probably not shared by everyone standing in line to see it as we left because Pete chose to announce the movie's major plot twist as we exited the theater. Whatever. No biggie. That didn't spoil the movie like, say, the way Scar-Jo channeled Natalie Portman's V for Vendetta faux accent with the same indifference to consistency. Yikes!

Jon also -- much to my dismay -- saw Casino Royale again.*** Hearing this, I shrieked and nearly flipped over my desk. I considered talking Pete into seeing it again while we were on vacation but Pete swiftly thwarted my efforts to subject him to yet it again by falling asleep (cunning!) and when I mentioned this to Jon, I was surprised that it failed to illicit any sort of jealous "How dare you try to top me in my fandom by seeing it once more, you sneaky little freak!?" reaction from him. Oh, that's because HE ALREADY WATCHED IT A FIFTH TIME WITHOUT ME!

Someone get Jason Statham on the phone. I'm not at all pleased.

* Psych! Taxi Driver is the best movie ever!

** I haven't had a Diet Coke since Dec. 31st, 2005! Considering I was once up to 8 a day... I'd say, that's a job well done, innit?

*** Casino Royale viewings to date -- Jon: 5, Ashley:4. How many have you got, Alan? If you say 5, I'm going to completely and unabashedly LOSE IT!

PS: Hello to Lindsey, who is totally not working right now!

Posted by ashley at February 13, 2007 12:34 PM

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