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January 30, 2007

1034: TV Party!

Chris: what are you doing for the superbowl? are you going to get confused and wind up on a farm?
Ashley: it'll be like green acres. i really love that show. does that make me crazy?
Chris: depends. how do you see it? as homage to the backwaters and byways of our country's long-gone heritage? or a treatise on how crappy the country is? me, i'd up and move back to park avenue. and take arnold with me.
Ashley: i think of it purely as a vehicle for eva gabor, dahlink!
Chris: ha ha when will eddie albert realize that he's horrible at farm life! and that no one is happy!
Ashley: if they're so rich, i never understand why their house is always so terrible
Chris: because everything is terrible out there. neighbors are nosy and strange
Ashley: and why are the country folk always so angry and shady. except for ed, who is kindhearted and good
Chris: country folk are like that. like less-sophisticated carneys
Ashley: the city folk are evil too. they are full of contempt and judging
Chris: yeah, but that's their thing
Ashley: how do they get their drycleaning done out there? and what happens to lisa's dog? she arrives with one and then it seems to disappear
Chris: it morphed into arnold
Ashley: and gained the gift of speech
Chris: you're thinking of babe
Ashley: well lisa and ed could communicate with the animals. because they are stupid but blessed. like me!
Chris: ha ha ha no, you belong here in new york . plus, you get allergic smelling hay.
Ashley: i just adore a penthouse view! i love the episodes where they just abandon everything and try to do it as a flashback to stuff that happened seemingly in another show
Chris: i like it when things happen like arnold goes to hollywood or joins the army. things that make you question your sanity
Ashley: he's pretty headstrong. i like that about him
Chris: heart of a champion
Ashley: or the one where hooterville honored a WWII vet who was actually a duck. genius
Chris: see, that's the kind of crap that flies out there. so to speak

Chris: deathmatch: arnold vs. babe. who wins?
Ashley: arnold. he's been in the army. and babe is too trusting
Chris: but babe has tenacity and he's good with words. but okay
Ashley: babe has weird hair
Chris: true

Chris: arnold versus mr. ed
Ashley: mr. ed
Ashley: he'd boot that pig into heaven
Chris: ha ha ha darrin vs. wilbur
Chris: any darrin
Ashley: ha ha ha wilbur
Ashley: darrin has few good qualities and does terrible ads. wilbur is kind to animals and possibly nuts. although i don't think we ever see any buildings he's responsible for
Chris: they've all fallen down
Ashley: they're all in hooterville
Chris: man, that's like hell
Chris: where all the old, strange kooks and their animals go to live
Ashley: shifty-eyed carnie folk
Chris: yep
Chris: is mr. ed a figment of his mind? or, mr. ed's speech, rather
Ashley: no, mr. ed is real. very real. next challenge!

Chris: dick van dyke vs. that ottoman
Ashley: ottoman -- usually
Chris: i want a tally made. see to it at once!
Ashley: ottonman: van dyke.... 3:1 i think

Chris:i was just imagining how it would be if arnold did future roles in other shows. starting with him as Battle Cat in He-Man. of course, he'd be Battle Pig
Ashley: ha ha ha. on star trek. the old and new ones. on the dog whisperer -- as a dog
Chris: ha ha ha as T.J. Hooker
Ashley: f troop, as a misc. native american
Chris: as James Rockford
Ashley: ha ha
Chris: as Robocop
Ashley: robocop is an art history prof now
Chris: ha ha ha
Ashley: i feel a little cheated that he never taught me…HOW TO KILL. (Arnold) on i love lucy, as yet another one of lucy's redneck relations. or would that be typecasting?
Chris: ha ha ha well, maybe, but i'm sure his agent would recommend he do it just to let the casting directors know he's still around
Ashley: i don't think arnold is around anywhere
Chris: no, he got eaten
Ashley: aww
Chris: yep. by the cast and crew, i hear
Ashley: oh man
Chris: even the duck had some
Ashley: oh snap!
Chris: ha ha greedy duck!
Ashley: “let me feast on the flesh of another minor character!”

Chris: ok, i got another one for you: eddie albert versus eddie munster . remember, albert has a pitchfork. and other farm implements
Ashley: well eddie munster is a child. in short pants. so, eddie albert
Chris: ha ha. but he's a vampire!
Ashley: no, a werewolf. common mistake
Chris: oh right
Ashley: but the munsters have a positive, kindly outlook on the world
Ashley: they would never hurt anyone
Chris: yeah. what's wrong with them?
Ashley: they're good people. they’re better than humans.

Chris: do we know how they ended up there? together? are they actually related? and just really unlucky?
Ashley: yeah although supposedly lily is his second wife
Chris: really? iiiiinteresting.
Ashley: the first wife was another actress who didn't survive past the pilot. but they never really address that
Chris: ha ha ha
Ashley: she had a different name. grandpa is lily's dad. they're all related. who knows why grandpa was living there with eddie before lily married herman? or why there's more than one marilyn?
Chris: were they always monsters? or, did like, dad get reanimated, a kid got bitten by a vampire, etc
Ashley: yeah, and so are their relatives
Chris: weird.
Ashley: although, inexplicably, marilyn is normal
Chris: i always figured she was some sort of psychic. or some other sort of otherworldly person
Ashley: nope, she's their niece. i forget why they're raising her
Chris: oh right
Ashley: but they pity her for looking messed up. she pities herself too
Chris: does grampa drink blood?
Ashley: yeah, sometimes he tries to bite his own relatives. i don't think we ever see him actually drinking blood but he talks a good game
Chris: ha ha ha also, is there a mummy?
Ashley: no, which i consider a major oversight. i can forgive the lack of a zombie, because zombies would make bad houseguests but a mummy is too much of a classic monster to be left out. oh, but then there's the time herman fell asleep in a sarcophagus and everyone thought he was a mummy
Chris: ha ha ha and they were afraid?
Ashley: well humans were but the munsters were like, "Oh, HERMAN!" and tutting with disapproval.

Ashley:i watch a lot of TV for old people. i should work at TV Land
Chris: seriously
Ashley: answering questions people have about old timey TV
Chris: "were chitty-chitty-bang-bang and mother the car related?" etc. "how about francis and mr. ed"? you'd get a lot of them. also, the munsters and addams families. were the munsters monsters from birth? and wait, don't they all have the same last name? i.e., are grampa and herman both munsters ?
Ashley: you're right about the munsters all having the same last name - i think. although imdb just lists grandpa as "grandpa" no last name

So, if you’re out there, TV Land people… call me.

And Chris, if you’re out there, where did you disappear to? There’s so much more classic TV to dissect!

Posted by ashley at January 30, 2007 07:06 AM

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