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December 06, 2006

1002: Firestarters

Earlier in the week, I happened to see the following headline on the front page of the BBC world news site:

"Arsonists warned not to kid around with Sweden's straw goat."

OK.

Ignoring every other, possibly more important headline on world events, I went directly to that link. Here's what I read:

Goat guarded from festive vandals

Arsonists who enjoy burning down a festive Swedish straw goat may have met their match this year.

In the 40 years since the tradition started, the giant goat of Gavle has often gone up in flames within days.

But this year the 13-metre (43ft) high goat has a coat of flame-resistant chemicals, and the authorities are determined it will see in the New Year.

"No-one is going to get our goat this year," says a local spokeswoman with confidence.

Those who remain concerned can reassure themselves of the goat's wellbeing by watching on the "goatcam".

Gruff justice

Just 10 of the goats, which are built in the town's central square, have survived beyond Christmas since 1966.

Some have been burnt down within hours of being erected during the first week of December.

The culprits are seldom caught. However, a 51-year-old American tourist spent 18 days in jail after being convicted of setting it alight in December 2001.

It is not the first time authorities have put their faith in a flame-proof coating - a substance tried before washed off in the rain.

This one is waterproof, says Gavle spokeswoman Anna Oestman, and while its hooves could still be singed, a full scale torching would now be "impossible".

Goats have a special place in Swedish tradition, and it was a goat which in earlier centuries delivered festive gifts before Santa Claus took over that role.

I confirmed all this with a Swedish coworker (who informed me that Gavle is not only known for its burning goat, but its high incidence of gonorrhea). Being the special breed of humans we are, our devious minds were at work on a plan to burn that goat within seconds -- the details of which I won't disclose. The plan is too perfect, too clever, too... edible. And for $400 each, we could be in Sweden making it happen -- possibly the first international crew of misfits to attempt it (and more than likely the first crew to involve a girl).

Although our detailed plan takes into account all sorts of SAS / Delta Force quality anti-detection maneuvers, in the off chance that we were caught on the famed Goat Cam, we'd all get an 18 day vacation! It's a win/win situation! (Well, except for the goat. That goat loses on many levels -- not the least of which is its being a giant, straw goat.)

Originally, I'd planned on spending my weekend getting some Christmas shopping done, but if the urge to burn that goat pulls me across the Atlantic... well, everyone on my list will be getting crap from SkyMall. Don't act like you didn't want that automated dog-feeding fax machine with a digital display for the local time in twenty-eight locations around the globe!

As we wait for the perfect time, we check the "Goat Cam" regularly to see if anyone has beaten us to the punch.

Click here for the "Goat Cam."

And here's 2005's goat going up in flames:

Posted by ashley at December 6, 2006 10:43 PM

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