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October 24, 2005

499: "Oldboy," roughly translated, means: "What?"

Bless you, Netflix, for you feed our insatiable thirst for the strange, the violent, and the unbelievably awesome.

You gave us Deadwood and introduced us to my BFF Al Swearengen. You showed us that before the West Wing envisioned Martin Sheen as a folksy presidential goof, he was a nihilistic killing machine in Vietnam. Most couples enjoy spending a night in with a rented movie, but not every couple wants that movie to involve u-boats; but you know that about us and you don't judge. You just keep sending us those precious red envelopes and let us know that if we want to see people's heads asplode, we know who to go to for it... no questions asked.

This weekend, we watched Oldboy. FJ, have you seen it? I'd like to know what you thought.

What Hollywood needs is more inexplicably wealthy/insane Asian criminal masterminds, and I suggest that they all be played by Rick Yune. Just give him some facial scar or a weird contact lens for one eye (à la Ed Harris), and consider it done. What's he done since murdering his career in Die Another Day? According to IMDB, nothing -- good, so he's available. Someone get him on the phone. He and Ji-tae Yu can battle it out in a movie where they fight to see who's creepier and/or better exfoliated. (Oh, get Daniel Dae Kim to play the good guy!)

What Oldboy needs is to make a decision -- is it a psychological thriller with a martial arts revenge story? Is it... whatever it becomes in the second half? I'd like to say, but if you plan on watching it, there'd be no point if I went and blurted out the BIG SECRET. Yeah, it's that kind of movie. Except that when you find out the BIG SECRET (which is actually several SMALL SECRETS), you don't think "OMG! That BIG SECRET is totally insane!" You think, "Uh... what?" Or, alternately, "Wait, who is Lee Soo-ah?" Yeah, it's like that.

But these problems aside, who doesn't like teeth being ripped out with a claw hammer, right? Right!

Posted by ashley at October 24, 2005 12:44 PM

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