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July 05, 2005

350: Chrome Haters

The quest for accessories continues, delayed slightly by the uncomfortable feeling of shopping in a semi-empty city (thank you, Fourth of July). You look into a store window, trying to decide whether to go in or not, and find that the only people inside are paid to be there. They've got nothing to do but stare back at you from the other side of the window, and if you venture inside, they'll be obligated to stalk you until you buy something. It's sad for everyone. I hate shopping in crowds but shopping in extreme solitude like that is creepy and awkward.

Of course, it's not as awkward as strolling into a hostile, pretentious store so tiny and precious its name might as well end in "shoppe."

Chris suggested I try Chrome Hearts in my search for cute accessories, but having never been there himself, I'm sure he couldn't have known what he was getting his little sister into. He couldn't have known that as I took off my sunglasses to walk inside, I'd get stared down by the fat, presumptuous salesgirls who blatantly sized me up as I walked by them. Thanks, ladies, that's cool of you. I'm sorry I was so chilly to the one helpful salesperson there -- a tall, thin black girl who was actually very helpful. I'd already felt so totally unwelcome by her coworkers that I'd decided not to buy anything, so all her good intentions were wasted.

The place is small, yet incredibly, they manage to have so few things for sale that the place feels expansive. For a company that specializes in high-end "rock n' roll" accessories, it's neither rock nor roll. The interior looks like the cellar of an Italian villa, and the only sound is the gentle gurgling of a WATER FOUNTAIN. What? Where's the music, people? All of the jewelry is kept behind glass so you have to ask for help if you want to see anything -- not that you would because, seriously, it's not worth the effort. Or the money. Christ, don't walk in unless you aim to spend more than $200 for a microscopic piece of bling. There's nothing remarkable about their stuff -- outside of this pretentious showroom, you wouldn't be able to tell it apart from some $5 gargoyle-covered crap you bought on the street.

Thumbs down on the unremarkable product, the total lack of atmosphere, and the completely jealous haters employed there. I suggest more rock and more roll, drop the pretension, and stop staring down any cute girl who walks in the place.

"That's so LA," as they say.

Posted by ashley at July 5, 2005 10:28 AM

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