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June 27, 2005

345: Thank you, gentle reader.

You're so cute when you email, guys, honestly. You're adorable, and I love it when you confirm for me that I'm 100% right about something and/or not insane. So... thanks. And to answer your question...

Yes, I've been to CelebMatch.com but totally forgotten about it. The pop-up ads are annoying, but not nearly as annoying as my "best matches."

I recognized Ian Somerhalder as Boone from Lost, but Boone was dedicated to his hell-on-wheels stepsister in a completely annoying way... plus he DIED (my apologies to anyone for whom I ruined that surprise because they didn't see that episode any of the three million times it aired). I recognize Mark Philippoussis from the world of tennis, which is basically the only sport I don't hate. In fact, I really like it... I just don't like this guy. Everyone else on the list... eh. CelebMatch, I'm not impressed.

CelebMatch thinks I'm only 82% compatible with Christian Bale, which I guess means there's an 18% chance we'll spontaneously combust if put near each other.

I don't really know what it means by "compatible," anyway. Compatible like software? Or like sour cream and potato pancakes? Because potato pancakes are also compatible with apple sauce. Or maybe CelebMatch thinks of "compatible" like peanut butter on a slice of cheddar cheese -- you wouldn't think that's compatible but it's actually great. You know, like those cheese-and-peanut butter crackers you buy in the airport. You think, "If only these crackers weren't orange-colored cheese-things, this would be so much better." Then you eat it and you're like, "Oh my God, that's so much better than a regular cracker." Life's not so black and white, CelebMatch.

I wonder about those match-making sites where people pour out their hearts into little "about you" sections and hope their soulmate clicks on their profile, named with some not-so-witty title and confessing their deep desire to be loved and wanted.

I doubt any of these sites would connect me with Pete, which is a weird thought. I guess that on the surface, it seems highly unlikely that someone who enjoys playing golf and remembers MLB World Series in detail, would find himself with someone who just wanted to listen to Bauhaus and eat candy. Are we a weird couple? You know what I mean -- the kind of people you look at and wonder how in the world they even manage to get along. Maybe we are, superficially, but more and more I realize that we're completely un-weird. In fact, it would be weird to be with anyone else.

You see, we're compatible like peanut butter and cheese crackers.

Judge that, CelebMatch!

Posted by ashley at June 27, 2005 04:21 PM

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