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June 27, 2005

342: Batreview!

I've only had, maybe, four hours of sleep... so bare with me, folks.

Just because I'm tired and disoriented, don't assume my judgment is impaired and question me when I tell you that Batman Begins is awesome. And by awesome, I mean totally sweet.

Sure, some of the cinematography is a little confusing and every now and then it's impossible to tell who's kicking someone in the face and who's getting kicked in the face. But, hey, that's cool. And sure, Katie Holmes has the droopy face of a bloodhound and the talent to match... but whatever.

See, the thing is, this movie has Christian Bale. We were supposed to be married but we never met, so it's no one's fault. But just when I thought he couldn't be any better, the gaunt-faced, psycho-killing, goose-stepping, swing-dancing, glam rock, juvenile POW and loveable paperboy who lives next door and tries to marry all of your sisters goes and BECOMES A NINJA!

Everyone knows that ninjas are totally sweet, so this just confirms my suspicions that Christian Bale was put on this planet to ROCK YOU LIKE A HURRICANE.

Is it wrong to be such a fan? No. Contrary to popular belief, my heart is not a little black crumbling thing and it's got more than enough room for you, dear friends, my live-in boyfriend of multiple years, and the dwarf rabbit who rivals him for the title of My Favorite Mammal.

There's not room for everyone, so in order to keep Christian Bale crammed in there, I've got no choice but to hate everyone else in the world. I know you don't worry about that -- you're just relieved that I like you and I know this because you told me once when you were drunk. I accuse Pete of supporting Lindsey Lohan ("she used to be like *POW!* *POW!* and now she's like *beep* *boop*"), mostly for comedic effect, but I have no concern that this challenges his love for me -- especially when I have such pointy elbows which can be jabbed into his ribs. I have no idea what I'm trying to say except that there's no reason to worry about getting ejected from my heart, people. It's far more spacious than it seems and Christian Bale's been in there since 1987.

As for Batman Begins, I enjoyed it and I credit FJ, entirely, for its success.

The end.

PS: Is this the most link-filled blog entry ever? Yes. Yes, it is.

PPS: Yes, Mom used to accidentally tell people how much I like Christian Slater when she meant Christian Bale.

Christian Slater, star of the wildly un-English Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves (thank you, Chris, for remembering this), grabs butts and beats up girls. Christian Bale is kind to animals and an all-around incredible human being. The end. Again.

Posted by ashley at June 27, 2005 10:02 AM

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