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June 14, 2005

326: Super Celebrity Death Match Challenge!

chris: quick, daniel craig vs. sharpe
ashley: oooooh don't do that to me
chris: clock's ticking!
ashley: that's not fair!!!!
ashley: in awesomeness or in a fight
chris: fight
chris: to the death
ashley: oh, sharpe, definitely
chris: sharpe vs. morrissey
ashley: in a fight?!
chris: yes, to the death
ashley: sharpe! morrissey wouldn't even try!
chris: what if morrissey was convinced that he had to fight him, or thousands of depressed girls everywhere would hang themselves or something
ashley: sharpe could shoot daniel craig three times before he could return fire, even if he was using a napoleonic-era weapon.
chris: hmm
chris: let's say, each starts with no weapons
ashley: morrissey wouldn't even touch the gun
ashley: he would be like, "it's just meant to be"
chris: morrissey would be armed with veggie burgers
ashley: and die, without even being hit!
chris: ha ha
ashley: he would just lay down, fall asleep and die peacefully
chris: bah, you don't play this game right
ashley: i think daniel craig would hesitate, and that would cost him. i think sharpe wins every fight.
chris: although, your answers are funny
chris: ok, daniel craig vs. the sisters of mercy
ashley: wait, the originial lineup or the current one?
chris: at the height of their career
ashley: because the original lineup hate each other and would turn on themselves
ashley: hmmm
ashley: i'd still go with daniel craig. it'd be no contest considering all of the in-fighting that the sisters would do
chris: sharpe vs. trinity
ashley: trinity, hands down.
chris: how would the fight play out
ashley: he wouldn't want to hit a lady, but then she would kick him in the face before he could shoot her.
ashley: also, he is always getting all choked up aroundgirls
ashley: he falls in love too easily
ashley: and she would kick him in the face a few times before it even occurred to him to fight back
ashley: i don't like this about him
ashley: he should shoot women, children, everyone.
chris: ha ha
ashley: wait are we talking about daniel craig the actor or the layer cake character, because he has no name
ashley: i think the actor would probably get his butt served to him in every fight, despite being very fit
chris: ha ha
chris: no, we're talking about the actor
chris: werent' we?
chris: unless you want to do sean bean vs. morrissey
chris: quick, sean bean vs. morrissey!
ashley: i meant xxxx. otherwise it would have to be “daniel craig vs sean bean"
ashley: oh, sean bean definitely
ashley: he would headbutt morrissey without even thinking about it
chris: i bet morrissey could kick his ass, though
ashley: then he'd call morrissey a pouf
chris: he would use the jacket of one of his gucci suits to tangle him up
ashley: yeah, morrissey has a lot of rage but he’s getting kind of soft and accustomed to his assistants taking care of him
ashley: more likely, one of morrissey's fans would beat up sean bean
ashley: who is getting rather old
chris: well, you would be fighting at the top of your career
ashley: ohhh
chris: all contestants, unless otherwise noted, are at their best
ashley: hmmm
ashley: this is a lot to consider
ashley: daniel craig is from liverpool, so he's got that going for him
ashley: but manchester and sheffield are also hard cities
chris: ha ha
ashley: i think morrissey would just say biting, witty things that would make people feel bad
chris: no, he would have to fight back
chris: or... animals would be tortured
ashley: he would fight but probably lose his shirt in the process
chris: that's to be expected
ashley: and find himself writhing on the floor amid apile of flowers
chris: ha ha ha
ashley: i think sean bean, while very old, has a lot of fighting experience
chris: sean bean vs carrie anne moss
chris: go
ashley: sean bean, definitely. she is small and her pilates will not help her
ashley: although, hmm, she does have some martial arts training and i think he could only do "drunken boxing"
chris: ha ha ha
ashley: actually, he probably wouldn't hit her. he would probably marry her and then divorce her a few years and a few kids later, as is his custom.
chris: keanu vs. morrissey
chris: the main event
chris: go!
ashley: wow
ashley: morrissey
ashley: definitely
ashley: keanu is very thin and easily distracted
chris: keanu would have help to find the ring
chris: if that's an issue
ashley: i know!
ashley: poor guy
ashley: i'd help him... to his doom
ashley: some friend i am
chris: ha ha ha
ashley: i think he would have trouble focusing, while
morrissey is moody and not a natutal fighter, he has a lot of venom
chris: i feel like keanu can tap into some inner thing
ashley: maybe, but he is kind of thin and distractable
chris: yes
ashley: also, he tends to wear crappy shoes that are basically falling apart. morrissey would be in really good shoes, something gucci, which would enable him to kick keanu more effectively
ashley: plus keanu would be like, "dude, i have this band, it would mean so much to me if you would listen to our demo"
chris: ugh
ashley: and morrissey would be like, "i'm sure i’d love it if i were a fan of crap."
ashley: and kick him
chris: ha ha ha

Posted by ashley at June 14, 2005 10:49 AM

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