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March 28, 2005

232: Crazy Rabbit Lady

Whenever I have a question about rabbit care, having recently acquired a dwarf rabbit, I look online and repeatedly find myself on a do-it-yourself webpage full of crazy rabbit clip art and rambling text generated by some rabbit-loving nutjob. This leads me to wonder -- are all rabbit owners nuts? And more importantly, am I at risk for becoming a CRAZY RABBIT LADY?

Well, probably not.

I'd never call Dewey or any other rabbit "bun." I'd never make a list of all the ways he moves his ears and all of the emotions I imagine he's trying to convey through these largely involuntary gestures. I don't pine for him unnaturally, and I haven't assigned him some kind of personality that says more about my psychological health than it does about anything pertaining to him.

Maybe I periodically talk to him in a funny voice, but don't think you wouldn't do the same if no one else were around to hear it. He's not just a rabbit, he's a DWARF rabbit! He's like a tiny Nerf football that's terrified of the Dustbuster and lusts after carrots. If there were ever an animal that needed to be talked to in a funny voice, wouldn't it be him?

I don't think owning him has put me in danger of becoming a Crazy Lady in the tradition of insane pet female pet owners. I'm the same as always, he just soothes my Taxi Driver rage. Actually, I'm not sure he's helping with that but I like him anyway.

But why are women so at risk for becoming obsessive pet owners anyway? What part of the female mind is vulnerable to the habit of replacing human relationships with slightly fictitious relationships with pets? Crazy Cat Ladies age and become freaks who live with thousands of irritated cats, but in their youth, they seem prone to spending their free time with their awkwardly named cats in an attempt to ease the pain of being unloved by the rest of the world.

I don't see that happening to me, given my tendency to actively avoid people rather than aching for their affection. I love Greta Garbo for a number of reasons, but mostly for saying "'I never said, 'I want to be alone.' I only said, 'I want to be left alone.' There is all the difference.'"

I can't become a Crazy Pet Lady because I'm not longing for anyone's company. They would only distract me from writing my manifesto, duh! I won't be publishing any crazy rabbit care websites decorated with cartoon rabbits in shoes and hats.

No, of course not. I mean, I gotta get myself organizized!

Posted by ashley at March 28, 2005 09:53 AM

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