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November 15, 2004

113: Metallica, I still love you.

I once loved heavy metal more than you can imagine, and infinitely more than a preteen girl should. When I say this, you may imagine photos of the Nelson twins torn from a teenybopper magazine and taped to my wall. You may imagine I mistook Poison for being anything but totally unacceptable and worthy of a violent and messy end. But, of course, you'd be wrong -- very, very wrong. I loved real metal, and more than anything, I loved Metallica.

Shut up.

Somewhere in the early Nineties (when, yes, I was very young), things started to go wrong with metal as a genre. I could feel it coming, I had to abandon ship. Of course, I stupidly sought refuge on the already imploding vessel of Industrial (doh!), but I had to do something to escape.

I loved them, I really did. I can't really point to the moment when I knew things were going wrong, but I sensed it in time to dodge Load and scramble away from its unbelievable amount of SUCK. I won't be the one to say, "Oh, it was their hair -- they should never have cut their hair!" because that's just foolish. They're not kids anymore, it was time. But frankly, I was stunned by the new press photos with the self-consciously swank suits and cigars. I hate the Nineties and it was as if they had decided "It's the Nineties guys, someone get us some Starbucks while we wait on this dial-up connection!" I felt betrayed, honestly, but not nearly as betrayed as I felt over that Napster thing.

Now really, we hate them for that but let's be reasonable. It began as a misguided attempt at doing the right thing, and it spiraled out of control into something regrettable and weird. In an attempt to defend the rights of musicians, they mistakenly went after their own fans. The ethical line of whether it's OK to download music or not is blurred by the stubborn inaction of the music industry.

We've all heard it before, but it's true -- CDs cost a foolish amount of money and the lack of legal, reasonable alternatives to Napster (and the like) at the time put consumers in a tricky ethical situation. (And, no, iTunes doesn't satisfy the needs of everyone.) But it's the music industry bands should have attacked, not the fans even though fans were more immediately in the wrong. The industry should have actively addressed the issue, rather than reacting with lawsuits and threats. And it shouldn't have been Metallica leading the march against Napster -- not when their fame is so largely due to the exchange of copied tapes among fans during their early years. Wrong band, wrong direction. Maybe Metallica couldn't see the forest for the trees, maybe they didn't fully understand the technology, who knows?

Anyway, isn't it time to forgive and forget? I can't say I've made the effort, to be fair. With the exception of CDs I've received as gifts, I haven't bought anything of theirs since 1992. We did head down to the Sunshine and see Some Kind of Monster, and it was there that I had a realization: I still love Metallica.

I don't mean to say I ever intend to own their recent or future albums, or that I can listen to anything made after 1991 without wincing and cringing. I'm not trying to be snobby, I'm just being honest. And isn't honesty the foundation of a good relationship? I loved them too much to just abandon them. Maybe I laughed at those "Fire Bad" flash animations until I cried or got a cramp. Maybe I was furious to the point of ignoring them for several years.

I felt hurt, and they felt lost. Times were changing and Metallica saw itself being left behind, rendered irrelevant and forgotten. They clung to any semblance of significance, even getting themselves onto a horrible movie soundtrack. And I thought, "is this the band I once loved?" We no longer recognized each other, but underneath all of these changes and distance, we were still essentially the same. They were still weird kids with big dreams, and I was still a gloomy and furious little girl. Things had changed between us, but not so much that our love was destroyed. They still belong nowhere, maybe even more so than they used to. And when I finally flip out in my office, kick over my desk and go insane, it will be to the tune of "Master of Puppets."

This is just a little lovenote, written on black paper and decorated with snakes and skulls. Even though I haven't forgiven everything, this is just to say I'm willing to try. A few years ago, they wouldn't have even noticed it, now they can appreciate it.

Posted by ashley at November 15, 2004 11:06 AM

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