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September 08, 2004

48: Office Tips

Of the many degradations and injustices office employees must suffer daily, having your pens and pencils stolen is among the most annoying. While it's not the most insulting or dangerous Office Offense, it passively stings with the painful slap of a reminder that you are surrounded by selfish fools who care nothing for your space or belongings.

What choice do you have? Use one of those "bank pens" with a chain to forever attach your pen to your desk? If you have been to a bank... ever... you will know that those chains often fail. Besides, no one will like you because you will appear to be aggressively nerdy and foolish. The world has no love for that kind of coworker!

I have a solution: let Sanrio solve your office supply needs.

By stocking my desk with Hello Kitty-themed pens, pencils and erasers I have ensured that none of my coworkers will ever attempt to take my supplies. If a pen is given out on loan, I'm sure to get it back.

I work with men, and for whatever reason, being seen holding a hot pink pencil covered in kitty cats, stars and hearts is a frightening situation for some men. I don't personally see the problem, but if it works to my advantage, so be it.

Maybe some day I'll work with a guy who likes my pens and not in the way Pete is obligated to like them; maybe we'll share cute, animal-themed office supplies, and discuss makeup. Maybe we'll spend our lunch breaks at MAC and exchange compliments in the great tradition of "I'm so ugly, you're so pretty... OMG! No way, you are so pretty, *I'm* ugly!" Unless Davey Havok gets into advertising, that day may never come. Until then, I am safe in the knowledge that my pens shall remain hideously cute and MINE!

Amen!

Posted by ashley at September 8, 2004 03:56 PM